


The Devil Has Come

by Shan282



Series: The Harbinger [1]
Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Minor Character Death, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Polyseed (Far Cry), Recreational Drug Use, Slow Burn, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2019-11-26 13:11:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 40,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18181037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shan282/pseuds/Shan282
Summary: They should never have been there. Whitehorse and Pratt were right when they spoke against going to Eden's Gate. They should have left The Project alone. They'd started something and there was no going back now. The lamb had broken the first seal and the deputy had been helpless to stop her.





	1. Chapter 1

Sarah looked over at the new deputy who sat beside her in the helicopter, her eyes glued to her phone screen. She leaned across the seat between them to see what she was watching, frowning slightly when she saw it was about The Project. She’d been a deputy in Hope County for nearly two years and she didn’t care much for The Project. She had no major issues with them, they were mostly nonviolent unless provoked and didn’t cause too many problems, but the department was constantly getting calls about them. She was getting really fucking tired of having to drive all over the place to break up fights that people were starting with its members.

She hadn’t met The Father personally, only seen him in the same video her partner was watching and heard about him from various people in the county. No one had much nice to say about him, but there wasn’t a lot of evidence to prove he’d been doing anything seriously illegal. The department had unanimously agreed to leave him and his flock alone, they didn’t have enough people to go against them and, again, there really wasn’t a lot of evidence to build a solid case. They’d all agreed that if they wanted to stay alive, they wouldn’t fuck with Joseph Seed.

Apparently, however, the US Marshal had a different idea about how to deal with the cult, fucking prick. He’d marched into the station that afternoon and immediately launched into some kind of tirade, calling them all complacent idiots. He’d even suggested that they were in bed with the cult which was fucking absurd. Not that Sarah wouldn’t love to be in bed with any of the Seed brothers, but that was different.

Sarah scoffed at Burke’s dismissive attitude towards Whitehorse’s warnings and focused her attention on the ground below. Nancy’s voice crackled over the dispatch and she glanced up, her eyes on Whitehorse across from her. A smirk pulled at her lips at Pratt’s teasing of the rookie and she turned to her. “Staci’s a bit of a cunt, but I’m sure you’ve figured that out already.” Her smirked widened into a full on grin at the offended sound she got out of Pratt.

A chill ran up her spine as they landed at the compound, the atmosphere inside the helicopter was filled with nerves. She waited for the order before climbing out of the aircraft.

“Lamb, stick close to the rookie,” Whitehorse ordered before they all climbed out and Sarah nodded, matching her strides with the smaller woman.

She didn’t say anything to the rookie, there wasn’t anything she could say to make the situation less terrifying. They followed wordlessly behind the Marshall, Whitehorse, and Hudson, only stopping once they’d gotten to the church. Sarah looked around slightly wide-eyed at the Peggies moving around them, angry shouts and worried conversations reaching her ears. But above all the noise of the cult’s indignation at their being there, there was singing and it was entrancing. She caught herself humming quietly along while Whitehorse and the Marshall argued about how to approach the situation.

“Rookie, Lamb on me,” Whitehorse ordered before turning back to the Marshal.

Sarah took a shaking breath as the doors opened and turned to the rookie. “We’ll be fine.” She told her, though it was mostly to calm her own nerves.

The church was warm, disgustingly warm from so many bodies being in a small space together. Despite this, she felt her blood run cold as Joseph’s voice drifted down the pews to her. She’d heard him speaking before in broadcasts but in the flesh it was different. She could see why people joined, his voice, while it terrified her, also left her with a sense of calm, like he and he alone knew all the answers to every question she could even think of. She wanted to shout at Burke to stand down, to leave Joseph and his flock in peace, but she stayed frozen, just watching.

Her eyes, darting to every moving figure, met John’s to the left of Joseph and she held his gaze for a beat too long before redirecting her attention back to Joseph. John was even prettier up close, fuck Addie for getting all those horrid thoughts about him stuck in her head. As Joseph stepped forward and his brothers moved across the stage she caught John’s eyes again and held his gaze this time as Joseph continued speaking, only looking away once the rest of the Peggies had left the church. Her hand stayed resting on her holstered 1911.

Joseph’s voice, raised and slightly manic-sounding, set her hair on end. “I saw when the Lamb opened the First Seal, and I heard, as it were the noise of thunder, one of the four beasts say, come and see…” A chill fell over the room, Burke’s voice interrupting the crushing stillness that Joseph had left. “And I saw, and behold it was a white horse… and Hell followed with him.” His eyes were fixed on the rookie now.

“Rookie— cuff this son of a bitch.” Sarah almost flinched at Burke’s harsh tone.

“God will not let you take me,” Joseph said, his voice menacing and concrete and his hands outstretched. She looked over at the rookie, uncertain if the other woman would follow through with the arrest. She honestly wasn’t sure if she would if she had the cuffs. He looked between the two of them and something about him screamed safety. A part of Sarah desperately wanted to grab his outstretched hands and hide behind his siblings where no one could ever hurt her, where she’d be safe until the end of her days.

A minute passed before the rookie cuffed him, Sarah was certain Whitehorse was going to tell them to turn back but instead the next thing she knew they were walking him out for the church. Sarah cast one last look behind her at the brothers before she followed behind Joseph and the rookie, her nerves building at the downright murderous look on Jacob’s face. They walked quickly towards the helicopter and she felt an overwhelming sense of dread and she was sure it showed.

Peggies swarmed the chopper once they were in and she fought to get them off as one grabbed at her leg. She kicked and kicked until a blow finally landed on the woman’s face and she fell back towards the ground below them. Through all the panicked shouting Joseph’s voice reached her and she froze, staring at him as he sang Amazing Grace, his face pointed towards the sky. As they plummeted towards the ground, his overwhelming calmness as he kept singing was an anchor and she felt a bit of her panic drain. They would be fine, they would all be fine.

 

The first thing Sarah felt was a thundering pain in her head and it nearly drowned out Joseph’s singing. She blinked and bit back a groan as she turned to look across from her. Joseph’s attention was focused solely on the rookie, his voice terrifyingly calm as he spoke to her. She gasped in shock at Nancy’s voice over the dispatch, it explained a lot actually but her head was too fogged to process much more than that.

She reached up, groping for the clasp on her seatbelt while he was speaking to his flock. She knew they had to get out, she had to run. That overwhelming panic was back and her breathing came short and fast as she struggled to unlock the belt, her head jerking between Joseph and the rookie.

Panic spread like a wildfire and soon everyone in the helicopter was struggling to escape. Sarah gasped as her clasp released and she fell to the ground, Hudson’s screams filling the air as they dragged her from the chopper. She managed to right herself and climbed out past the rookie and Burke, stopping once she was out.

“Burke!” Sarah shouted after him, furious that he would just leave them like that. “Come on rookie we gotta go.” Her voice was shrill as she watched the rookie struggle with the clasp. Finally, it released and she dropped to the ground, clumsily climbing out. She yanked the rookie to her feet and then looked across the helicopter in fear when the Peggies noticed they’d escaped. “We need to run. Now!” She violently pulled the rookie forward, fear driving her as she sprinted through the woods. She let go of the other as they ran, her breath coming hard and fast as she jumped over logs and dodged low branches. Angry shouting chased her as she ran and drowned out everything else around her. 

She spotted a place for cover and slid into it, cowering behind the log and trying to make herself a small as possible. Heavy footfalls passed and she held her breath as she waited for them to disappear. Finally, once it had gotten quieter she turned to look at her companion and froze, whatever she’d been about to say dying on her tongue. The rookie was gone. How could she have lost her, she’d been right there the whole time Sarah had been certain.

The crackled of Burke over her radio snapped her out of her panic and she immediately slammed her hand over the speaker and violently twisted the dial off, praying to a god she barely believed in that no one had heard it. She stayed in her spot, arms wrapped around her knees, and looked at the ground below for a few minutes before tears started streaming down her face. God she was fucked, so fucking fucked.

Sarah clutched her knees harder when she heard distant gunfire and hid her face between them as silent sobs wracked her body. She looked like a deranged mess. She should have just stayed home today. She missed her bed and her cat. She wanted her blankets back and her scented candles and reruns of Friends. She just wanted to go home.

She stayed there until well after her tears had stopped and her ragged breathing returned to something somewhat normal. The sky that she could see through the trees was starting to get lighter, she knew she should find somewhere safer before the sun rose. Moving was an effort, she grunted in pain and her bones cracked back into place, her joints popped at the sudden change in position. Pratt would have laughed and made a Rice Krispies joke if he were there.

Pratt! God, she’d forgotten about Pratt. She’d been so focused on getting out she didn’t see what happened to him. She really hoped he’d gotten away but something in her brain told her he hadn’t. Even if he had he was as dead as she was.

Finally, she stood from her spot and began moving slowly through the underbrush, staying crouched and stopping every so often to catch her breath or stop her head from spinning. Her entire body ached but her head was practically screaming in pain. Everything was foggy and she could feel her blood pulsing through her body. If she were to hazard a guess, she most likely had a concussion and based on the pain in her left ribcage at least a few bruised ribs.

A cabin finally into view and she let out a shaking sigh of relief. Safety. At least for now, somewhere she could lay low until she’d had time to lick her wounds and get back out there. Sarah felt hope flare in her chest and let herself get reckless, leaving her cover and moving as quickly as she could manage towards the cabin.

She was nearly at the door when an arm wrapped around her waist and dragged her back. She tried to scream but she was thrown to the ground, the air leaving her lungs. She sputtered and coughed as a Peggie came into view above her, his features were violent and twisted. “Fucking sinner.” He spat and surged forward, his hands clamped around her throat and squeezed.

Sarah struggled in his grip, her lungs screaming as she clawed at his hands to try to get him to let up. She kicked at him, kneeing his stomach over and over but all she got was pained grunts and his hands tightening. In a last-ditch effort, she flung her arms around her, grabbing for something, anything. Her hands grasped at a rock, small but heavy, and using what strength she had left she smashed it into the side of the Peggie’s head. He flinched away, his grip loosening enough for her to breath a bit.

There was blood streaming down from his temple and dripping onto her as she gasped for air and rammed the rock into his head again. This time he was off of her, topping away to the ground beside her. Panic and adrenaline coursing through her veins, Sarah followed him over, lifting her arm up and slamming the rock down again between his eyes. Over and over she hit him, his skull cracking and shattering under the continuous blows and still, she hit him. She hit him until he was unrecognizable and still she hit him, tearless sobs wracking her body as she did.

When she came back to her senses and stopped, looking at what she’d done she reared back and vomited, the majority of it landing on her jeans and the Peggie. She flew back away from him and dropped the rock with a silent scream. Her hands were covered in blood, brains and bone fragments as she scrambled towards the house.

Inside, Sarah ran for the bathroom, turning the sink on and washing her hands in the scalding water until they were red and raw. She looked up and saw herself in the mirror, face covered in sweat and more blood and brains, and leaned over the sink and vomited again until nothing came out anymore. There was a tiny shower behind her and she turned it on, not bothering to get undressed she stepped into the ice-cold spray, uncaring of the temperature as she sat down and let the slowly warming water beat down on as she stared at her hands with hollow eyes. What had she done?

 

It had been almost three days since Sarah has gotten to the cabin. In that time she’d somehow gotten up the nerve to move the Peggie’s body, dragging it out into the woodshed behind the cabin. She’d managed to cover most of the bloodstain by kicking dirt over it and she just hoped no one came here looking because she knew she’d done a piss poor job at hiding the crime scene.

She was still inside the compound’s borders and every hour she stayed was riskier than the last. No one had found her yet meaning they were probably still looking for her or they’d assumed she’d escaped somehow. She’d found a backpack her first night in the cabin and had spent all of yesterday packing it. She had found clothing in the bedroom after her shower and changed into them, letting her uniform dry mostly before stuffing it in her pack as well. The clothes didn’t fit well, but they worked just fine and she couldn’t exactly afford to be picky.

When the sun had finally dipped below the horizon and the sky was glowing with stars, Sarah stepped out into the crisp Montana air. She pulled the baggy jacket she’d found tighter around her frame and started to walk. She wasn’t sure which way the compound was but she hoped she was walking in the opposite direction.

As she walked in silence, her thoughts ran around her head like a caged bird searching in a panic for an exit. What was she going to do? What if she got caught? Who was going to feed Finny if she died? Who was feeding Finny now? It’d been three days and while he had full access to the outside, he still liked to come in at night for cat food. Oh God, what if Finny got eaten by a wolf or a cougar? She always locked him in at night. He was probably angry at her for being gone for so long. She hoped Kim had noticed her absence and sent Nick down to her house to fill the food bowls and check on him.

It was easier to worry about her cat than the reality of her situation. 

Still, her thoughts drifted from Finny and the Ryes and moved to the rookie. She was probably dead or captured and Sarah felt like the shittiest person in the world. She didn’t even know the woman’s name. She hadn’t bothered much with small talk, it’d been a busy few weeks with tensions between the Peggies and civilians rising and she’d been running in and out of the station building. How could she not know her own partner’s name? Whitehorse had trusted her to watch out for their newest member and she’d ditched her in the forest just like Burke. She’d decided in her panic to save her own skin.

A fence finally came into view and broke Sarah from her spiraling. It wasn’t too high and she was pretty sure she could scale it if it wasn’t for the barbed wire at the top. She let out another hopeless sigh for the fiftieth time the week and started walking along it hoping to find a gap. As if by the grace of God, she soon found a break in the fence where something has smashed through it. She stood there in slight shock at her sudden luck and looked towards the sky with a suspicious look. It seemed too good to be true.

She was slightly hesitant as she stepped past the fence, peering down the road before moving, sticking to the fence line just in case someone came by but miraculously no one did. She eventually found a bridge, an abandoned ATV sitting near it with the keys still in the ignition. Sarah smiled slightly at her luck, the first smile in what felt like years since the events at the compound. It sputtered to life and she braced herself as it jerked forward and she was off, speeding down the road and hopefully towards safety.

She hadn’t been driving for long when a figure stepped out onto the road, gun raised, and she slammed on the brakes. The ATV skidded to a stop a foot away from the person, the headlights flicking off as she turned the engine off and shrouding them in darkness. Sarah raised her hands and climbed off, hands itching to grab her gun.

“Leave the keys.” The figure, a woman, commanded. Her voice was familiar, eerily familiar. Sarah sputtered slightly and frowned, trying to match a face to the voice before it clicked.

“Rookie?” She asked, astonishment clear in her tone.

“Lamb?”


	2. Chapter 2

“Who’s a good boy?” Sarah cooed at the dog, her voice high and babyish. “You are Boomer, yes you are.” She laughed as the dog jumped up and licked her chin. “I love you too. God, you are precious. Yes you are, yes you are, best boy.”

“Jesus Christ Lamb.” Rook said from where she stood in front of the car with a deadpan look on her face. “Leave him be and help me fix this stupid truck.” Sarah rolled her eyes but stood to help her friend.

“I, for the record, have no clue what I’m doing here.” She said as she leaned over the hood of the car, waving her hand to keep the steam away from her face. She held her blowtorch uselessly.“Maybe we just walk until we find another one, the Peggies have an infinite amount of trucks it seems so we could just take one from them.” Rook looked between the truck, Sarah, and the direction they were trying to go before shrugging an I guess so. “Let’s go, boy, we’ve got a lot of ground to cover.” She called out to the dog who had run off to bark at a squirrel.

They walked in comfortable silence. It’d been nearly three weeks since they’d run into each other after the events at The Compound. Sarah was beyond grateful that the woman was alive. She’d been shocked to learn that Dutch of all people had pulled her from the river and kept her safe. He was not exactly known for his kindness towards strangers.

Already Rook had made waves in Hope County. She’d taken Dutch’s island back from the cult and now everyone and their grandmother was radioing her, begging for help with whatever problems they were having. Sarah didn’t mind it much at first; even in this fucked up situation she was still an officer of the law and her job was to help people. But as the days went by the pleas for help got more and more stupid and Sarah was getting more than a little peeved at being treated like an errand girl.

They’d rescued Boomer from some cultists a few days after finding each other again and with his owners dead they had made the executive decision to take him along with them. This had resulted in Sarah spending a lot of time sitting in the trunk of the truck they had so she could pet Boomer while they drove. She had always loved this dog since she moved into the county, he was Hope County’s pride and joy. She, however, didn’t have a picture of him in her house like she’d noticed a lot of other people did. That was just weird. Why would she have a picture of someone else’s dog sitting in her living room? Besides the fact, Finny would probably get jealous.

She’d managed to get in contact with Kim Rye once she’d gotten away from The Compound and had confirmed that Finny was being fed. Apparently, he’d taken his feeding into his own paws and shown up at the Rye’s door screaming like the demon bastard he was until they let him in. He’d never even been to their house how the hell did he find it?

As they walked, Sarah spotted another one of John’s silos and nodded towards it, splitting away from Rook and Boomer. She half jogged to the silo and pulled a remote explosive from her pack, fixing it to the side of the silo. Instead of rejoining Rook on the road like a sane person before blowing it, Sarah moved out of the blast radius and ducked behind some metal containers before blowing the explosive. The force sent her falling back on her ass groaning and the whole world went silent except for an extremely annoying high pitched ringing in her ears. She didn’t meet Rook’s eyes when she returned, ignoring the woman’s amused grin, and started walking again. She was definitely going to have tinnitus before the month was over.

 

Nearly a half hour of walking later, they found an abandoned truck on the side of the road, the word Sinner painted onto the hood. Sarah was beyond grateful, it was relatively warm out and the Rye & Son bomber jacket she had on really wasn’t helping. She couldn’t wait to blast some sweet, sweet air conditioning.

“You driving?” She asked, grinning when Rook shook her head and walked around to the passenger’s side. Sarah loved driving but Rook hadn’t given her much of a chance. In the rookie’s defense, on their first night meeting again after The Compound Sarah had taken a corner way too fast in the ATV and caused them to spin out and get thrown from the vehicle as it landed upside down in a ditch. Rook hadn’t really been letting her drive much since then.

Sarah climbed into the driver’s seat and set to work hot-wiring the truck. “Tell me again where you learned to do that?” Rook asked, her eyebrow raised. “Is that something they teach all Sheriff’s Deputies in Montana now? Because if so I missed that day at the academy.”

“Well, long story short, last year I got sent out to arrest this Sharky guy. I chased him, he wasn’t wearing any pants, my keys got dropped, and I ended up locked out of my cruiser with a cuffed idiot. He broke into it for me and hot-wired it. I let him go, didn’t seem right to arrest him anymore after he helped me out. He even looked for my keys afterward and sent them to the station in the mail a week later with some crudely drawn picture of me chasing him.” Sarah recalled and shrugged at Rook’s slightly shocked look. “He’s cool, sets a lot of shit on fire and breaks way too many laws, but he hasn’t killed anyone yet.”

The engine sputtered to life and Sarah smiled, leaning back in her seat and clapping her hands together. “She’s all set Rook.” She jumped out and helped Boomer into the backseat of the truck before climbing back in and buckling her seatbelt. She sat there staring pointedly at Rook until she finally sighed and did her own seatbelt buckle. “Would you rather get thrown through the window when a Peggie comes out of nowhere and hits us head on? I didn’t think so.”

Sarah reached over and flipped through the radio stations, stopping on Peggie radio. She’d been listening to the station for a few months, the songs were catchy as hell. Rook had given her a skeptical look the first time she’d turned it on, but since then Sarah had caught her quietly singing along to some of the songs.

The truck jerked forward as Sarah pressed her foot down on the gas and they sped forward. Yeah, she probably shouldn’t be allowed to drive.

 

Sarah watched Rook in the facility below her through the scope of her sniper rifle. She’d stolen it off a Peggie corpse when they’d gotten to Gardenview. They had meant to take the packing facility back from The Project the day they’d been across the street getting Boomer, but the silo they had blown at the pumpkin farm that same day had brought in way more reinforcements than they could handle so they’d decided to leave it. Thankfully the extra Peggies had finally cleared out so they’d decided that morning it was time to take the facility back.

Sarah had mixed feelings about liberating this outpost just as she had about the few others. Most of the outpost properties around the county were legally owned by the Seeds so she and Rook really had no right to take them. But the law had been practically thrown out the window and Rook, eager to prove herself and a hero to the people, though it was smartest to take them so they could limit the cult’s influence.

Rook and Sarah had both agreed that a silent approach would be best and with no silencer on any of their guns, they’d have to rely on the four throwing knives they had between each other and sneaking up on people. Sarah had opted to stay in cover and watch, she could guard Rook’s back better from afar and worst case shoot out the alarms before they could be triggered in case someone saw her. One by one Peggies dropped to the ground and Sarah felt a little guilty over the massive swell of pride she felt when she saw how well Rook was adapting to this new, chaotic world.

She perked up when Rook raised an arm, signaling for her to take out the sniper above while she grabbed the last man on the ground. Sarah swiveled her scope over to the man on top of the building and lined up the shot. She took a deep breath before letting it out and freezing, her finger resting on the trigger as she waited for the man to stop moving so much. Finally, he picked a spot and stood still for a moment just as her lungs were starting to scream and she squeezed the trigger.

A loud crack shot through the air, almost drowning out the sound of The Father’s voice pouring out of the speakers. The sniper dropped almost instantly to the ground. There was a cut-off scream that accompanied it followed by the sickening crunch of Rook snapping the shouting man’s neck and then it was over. They’d cleared the outpost.

Sarah took her time joining Rook in the packing facility, Boomer walked a few feet ahead of her looking around excitedly and she couldn’t help but smile. There was no sense of urgency now so she took a few moments to herself to admire the beauty of the world around her. Even in the middle of all this chaos and death, Hope County still managed to take her breath away with its beauty. It was in this peacefulness as she walked through the tall grass, breathing in the air of the forest and farmland and coming down from her slight adrenaline high, that Sarah was reminded of why she came here in the first place.

She’d grown up in a big city surrounded by endless apartments and office buildings and an infinite swirl of strangers. Ever since she could remember she’d longed to live in a small town where everyone knew everyone’s business just like she’d see in movies. Hope County, while a county, not a town, gave her that small town picture she’d craved since childhood.

Sarah finally reached Rook just as she was finishing up calling the members of the Resistance to come to Gardenview and set up shop so The Project couldn’t take it back. She swung an arm around her smaller partner and looked up at the big building with a sense of achievement. “I’m gonna look for goodies.” She announced and left Rook once again to search for an office where there might be something left behind by the Peggies they had just killed.

The office was locked, of course, but a note alerted her to where she could find the key she shook her head at the total idiocy of the previous owners. If you were going to go through all that trouble to lock the office to keep people out why would you leave a note basically telling everyone where the key was.

She had just grabbed the key from the small store beside the road and was walking back when her radio crackled to life and an all too familiar voice came to life over the static, “Hello Deputy.” Sarah stopped in her tracks and pulled the radio close to her face. The frequency he was on was private supposedly, only she and Rook used it, so how the hell had he figured that out.

“John.” She answered coldly as she backtracked to the market stall so as not to be overheard by any wandering civilians already at the packing facility. She didn’t want to cause a panic so soon after John had taken Rook for her baptism last week. His capture party had caught them by surprise and shot them both with bliss bullets. Sarah had woken up groggy and cold by the side of the road with Boomer’s head resting on her stomach. She’d been both terrified for Rook and seriously pissed off that John’s men had just left her on the road to freeze to death or get murdered by a wolverine.

“I want to offer you the same gift that I offered your partner: freedom from sin. I can save you.” He said, his voice as dramatic as ever.

Sarah didn’t bother holding back her annoyed groan. “You clearly didn’t care about saving me last week when you left me for dead on the side of the road.” She snapped back, she didn’t have much patience for all this atonement crap or for John Seed at the moment.

“My chosen were under orders to bring The Seal Breaker to me, not her hired gun and their dog. It was the will of The Father.” That made sense but Sarah was still pissed. “I have seen your sins, I wish to help you be free of them. I have already sent my chosen for you, don’t fight them. Come willingly and I won’t have to be quiet as harsh.” His last words were threatening and set the hair on the back of Sarah’s neck on end.

She gnawed at her lip for a minute before clipping her radio back to her belt and marching to where Rook was counting her bullets. “Is your radio on our frequency?” Sarah asked when she’d reached her friend.

“No, it’s still on the Resistance frequency. Why?” Rook asked curiously and Sarah was secretly more than a little glad that Rook hadn’t heard her conversation with John. She didn’t want to worry her partner any more than she already was, she didn’t need to know that John Seed was about to have not one, but two of Hope County’s deputies.

“A friend radioed me asking for some help so I’m going to go see what I can do. I’ll be back tomorrow evening at the latest I hope.” Ideally, she’d be back before the day was over but she was almost certain John wouldn’t be letting her go that quickly. “If you want another gun, maybe see if Armstrong can help you out, she’s one helluva shot.” Rook nodded at that and wished her luck before refocusing on her task.

Sarah knew she didn’t have a whole lot of time before John’s cultists found her so she quickly unlocked the building’s office and stuffed her sniper behind the desk, emptying everything important from her pockets into an empty filing cabinet. Once she was armed with only a combat knife and her pistol she locked the door behind her and started walking towards the road, making a quick detour to hide the key in the gutters of the market stall where hopefully no one would find them.

It wasn’t long before she heard the capture party’s loud voices. “There she is.” “Don’t kill her, use the bliss bullets.”

Sarah fought the instinct to run and instead raised her arms above her head and walked calmly towards the cultists. She bit back a scream as a bliss bullet lodged itself in her arm. “Fuck.” She grunted as the world started to spin and her vision sparkled. She let herself drop to the ground before she could lose consciousness and lay back on the warm pavement with her eyes to the sky until every faded to black.

 

Sarah’s entire body felt like it weighed a million tons but she was grateful for the considerably dulled ache in her head as the last time it had been excruciating. She struggled to open her eyes for a few minutes before finally, she was able to keep them open for more than a few seconds. Sluggishly she took in her surroundings, slightly surprised to find that she was leaned against a tree near a river in some kind of clearing. She had expected to be half drowned or tied down by now.

She tried to move forward, huffing as her arms, still so fucking heavy, inched forward incredibly slow. She let out a groan of frustration and slumped back against the tree.

“You’re awake.” Came a voice that was just a touch too excited for how Sarah was feeling right now and she turned her head to the find the owner of the voice. John Seed, The Baptist, was sitting in a chair near the water smiling at her. She had to squint against the sunlight pouring down on him. “I apologize for the bliss bullet, I expected you to put up a fight.”

Sarah shrugged in response, “You were gonna get me anyways.” She said, her voice groggy.

John grinned happily and stood, walking to stand in front of her. He grabbed her hands and pulled her up. Once she was standing she cautiously looked around, taking in more now that she was almost fully awake. The little clearing she was in was decorated with a few white sheets of fabric tied between trees, a cool breeze blowing at them. She took a sharp breath at the beauty of the setting, it looked almost angelic, like something out of a fantasy novel. John’s eyes reflected his pride at her admiration of his space.

“Come, Deputy,” He beckoned and pulled her with him towards the water, his suffocatingly blue eyes never leaving her own. “Let me wash away your sins.”

Sarah wanted to shove him away. She knew she should curse at him and make a break for it, but she instead followed him as if pulled by some invisible string. They stepped into the water and she was oblivious to its cold bite. The warmth from the sunlight and John’s hands pushed away the cold until the water had reached her stomach and she gasped.

They stopped and she gave him a questioning look, if he wanted to he could drown her right now and from what Rook had told her of her own baptism he would easily succeed if it tried.

“I’m not going to kill you.” He gave her a disappointed look as if reading her mind and his grip on her hands tightened. “You have to trust me, let me cleanse you.”

A flare of childish defiance raced through her and Sarah pulled her hands from him and took a step back. She saw anger flash through John’s eyes for a second and the corners of her lips tugged in a tiny smirk. He took a step towards her and she stayed still this time. Even as one of his hands came up to cradle her face while the other wrapped firmly around her throat she stayed completely still, just watching. His warm breath fanned across her face as their eyes stayed locked and neither dared speak.

He wore a smile as he slowly pushed her down with the hand on her throat, Sarah giving in to the lingering heaviness of her limbs and letting him. She took a breath before her head was submerged, her eyes shutting on reflex against the water. When she blinked them open she locked with John’s through the rippling of the water and she watched as his mouth moved while he recited what was undoubtedly a prayer of salvation from the Book of Joseph. Rook had described her own experience as terrifying, but in the almost too bright sunlight, Sarah couldn’t help but find the situation almost calming.

John looked different from this angle. His face was a mask of serenity and focus, whatever other emotions may slip through were hidden from her by the water. He’d left his sunglasses behind and now a few chunks of hair flopped down adorably over his forehead. His only focus was on her. If she didn’t know who he was and all the terrible things he did Sarah might fall in love with him right there.

She had been baptized before at her mother and father’s urging and it had been nothing like this. It had been almost clinical, but this, this felt almost intimate. This felt like something she could never tell anyone, a delicious secret she would die before revealing.

Her lungs had begun to scream and her body took control. Both hands grappled at the wrist if the hand around her throat as John exerted more force to keep her down. Her legs kicked definitely as panic started to take over. Just before she went into full-blown fight or flight mode he pulled her up, his arms wrapping around her to support her as she coughed up what water she’d breathed in.

As she fought to catch her breath, she felt his lips move against her ear, his voice quiet and preaching. “May we stand in the light of God, and walk through his gates unto Eden.” He finished and pulled away, cupping her face, and she saw something that looked like awe in his gave. “Can you feel it? You’re one step closer to atonement.”

Sarah just stared at him, in shock at how gentle he was being. It was getting slightly unnerving and she found herself waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“Soon you will confess every sin you have ever committed, no matter how small, and I will carve them from you and then you will know what it means to be free.” There it was, the threat of violence she’d been waiting for since she woke up. “But not now, not tonight. Tonight you will rest and tomorrow we will begin.” He was grinning ear to ear now and he grabbed her hand, pulling her with him back to the shore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case I haven't made it clear enough in this chapter, Sarah acting as a hired gun for Rook. Similar to Grace or Sharky. She was originally going to fill the slot of the in-game deputy but I wanted to explore her character without the burden of seal breaking and prophecies and being the Resistance's hero. I want to give her a chance to be her own person without having to worry quite as much about everyone around her.  
> So essentially, Rook is following the game's plot and Sarah gets to be along for the ride while also getting to experience the cult's Hope County for herself without pressure from Joseph and the Resistance leaders.


	3. Chapter 3

The sun was starting to set on Holland Valley and Sarah felt a shiver run through her body. Her clothes were all still sopping wet from the baptism. She was really wishing she hadn’t left her jacket back in the truck with Rook and Boomer.

She was trying to keep track of where they were going, trying to latch on to any sort of landmark, but all the trees looked the same and John’s warm hand wrapped firmly around hers was pretty goddamn distracting. In fact, she was struggling to look anywhere besides his hand as she mentally shouting at herself. What was she doing? She should run now. She could easily pull away and knock him down, give herself enough time to run to safety. Yet just like at the baptism she didn’t fight him, she just stared at his hand where it intertwined with her’s.

“It’s not much further.” He said, his voice filled with excitement all over again. She really fucking hoped they got wherever they were going soon because on top of being cold her feet were starting to really fucking hurt, she had been cursed with old lady feet.

Just as the trees around them were getting almost too dark to see, a warm light poured out ahead and John picked up the pace. A large house came into view and Sarah marveled at how pristine it looked, almost as if it had come straight out of a catalog.

“Whose house is this?” She asked as he led her through the set of double doors closest to them.

“Mine.” He answered simply as he ushered her ahead of him and towards another door. He snapped his fingers and a man appeared from yet another set of doors at the end of the hall. How many freaking doors did this rich idiot have? “There dry clothes in here, they’re Faith’s but she won’t mind. When you’re done Brother Thomas will bring you to me.” He told her and gently shoved her inside, shutting the door behind her.

Sarah took a few seconds to herself to look around the room. It was rustic, expensive looking, and so obviously Faith’s when she stayed with John. There were jars of dried bliss flowers and a few potted bliss plants on the windowsill that someone had obviously been tasked with watering.

Taking a deep breath, she locked the door and ran to the windows. John was gone so now was her chance to get away. Only the windows, she now noticed, had bars outside of them so that was a no go. There was only one guard outside the room, but she had no weapons and there were definitely way more than she could handle outside the ranch. She had no options. Her best bet was to wait it out for another opening.

She looked around the room slightly paranoid once more before stripping out of her wet clothes and hanging them up in the ensuite bathroom. There was a large dresser against one of the walls and inside she found all sorts of dresses and panties but no bras. Did this woman not wear bras?

Sarah opened the rest of the drawers hoping beyond hope that she might find something other than a dress but to no avail. With an annoyed huff, she picked out one that was considerably longer than the others and with sleeves this time, though it was still that barely off-white color. She slipped it on and looked at herself in one of the mirrors. She looked like she was about to get married. It was all loose and lace seemed to billow away from her with every movement. It was downright gorgeous but so fucking impractical for her situation.

A loud knock on the door snapped her back into the present and she swiftly opened it, her eyes meeting her guard’s, Thomas’s, hazy blues. “Ready?” He asked and she was almost certain she heard a hint of annoyance in his tone.

“No,” She deadpanned but stepped out of the room, letting the door fall closed with a click. “But let’s go.”

He gave her a forced smile and lead the way towards, well Sarah wasn’t actually sure where the fuck they were going or what the hell she was being led into. They went back out the doors she and John had come through and she wrapped her arms around herself against the cold though it didn’t actually help in the slightest. Thomas stopped at the foot of a small set of stairs leading to another set of double doors and nodded for her to move ahead. She hesitated for a second before giving him a polite smile and ascending the steps.

Once inside the house, she fought to keep her eyes from bugging out of her skull. If she’d thought Faith’s bedroom was extravagant then she didn’t know what to call the rest of the house. There were stuffed animals and mounted antlers all over the place. A giant fireplace in the middle of the floor warmed the whole room and cast a soft, welcoming glow on everything. 

Right in front of her was a massive dining table and John Seed sat at the end, his back to the fireplace. He’d changed as well, swapped out his signature blue shirt and vest for a slightly darker blue shirt. Like the cocky bastard he was, he’d left three buttons too many undone and was leaned back in his chair smirking at her.

“What do you think?” He asked, gesturing to the room. He knew what she thought, he just wanted his goddamn ego stoked. She merely shrugged and watched Thomas, who’d entered after her, pull out a chair near John for her.

“Thank you, Thomas.” Sarah gave him another polite smile and took her seat. Another cultist came scurrying in with two plates of food and Sarah looked towards John questioningly. “What is this?”

“Dinner.” John gave her an amused smile before he thanked the cultist and waved Thomas away. “And no it’s not poisoned. You look lovely by the way, white looks good on you. Though I would have gone with something slightly shorter.”

Sarah gave him an unamused look and lay a napkin across her lap before picking up her knife and fork. She had to admit, it looked and smelled delicious. She watched John for a second to make sure he didn’t try anything before she took a bit. She couldn’t help a happy moan that escaped her lips as the food hit her tongue. She’d been eating canned crap for weeks she’d almost forgotten what real food tasted like. John chuckled and she held back a glare.

“I’ll take that to mean you’re enjoying it, Deputy.” Sarah stopped eating and looked up at him, mouth open slightly as a realization dawned on her.

“Do you not know my name?” She asked, her mouth widening more in shock at the sudden flustered look he got.

“I— well— of course, I know your— well…” He trailed off, not meeting her eyes and took another bite of his food.

“Jesus Christ you don’t know my name. You just baptized me and you don’t even know my name.” She let out a genuine laugh at that. “God I’ve been running around this valley wrecking your plans and you still haven’t even learned my name?”

“It wasn’t something important enough to know.” He gritted out, anger covering embarrassment now. Sarah took a few deep breaths to calm her dying laughter but the grin stayed on her face.

“Of course it wasn’t, you only want to free me of my sins and bring me into the cult. Why would my name be something important to know?” She stabbed at some of the chicken on her plate and chewed it. She got a grunt in response and they fell into a slightly tense silence, waiting to see who broke it first. It was of course John.

“Joseph has plans for your deputy friend, she will reach atonement one way or another. I hope you will help me guide her to that.” He told her, his voice soft, much like it had been at the baptism.

“Look, Johnny,” He gave her a sharp at that nickname, “I’m not so sure I want to atone for anything. You’ve done some pretty fucked up shit to the people around here and your followers have been stealing from my friends. So why do you think I’d want to join Eden’s Gate and help you convert my friends?”

“Because it is what God has planned for you.” His answer sounded fake, manufactured. It was said in John’s voice but so clearly Joseph’s words.

The rest of the meal was passed with awkward small talk: the weather, John’s interior decorating, a rather lengthy description of his planes which he promised to show her tomorrow before they went to his bunker to continue the atonement process. When finally they’d finished eating both dinner and a mouthwatering dessert course, John sighed and threw his napkin down on his plate. He stood and pulled her chair back from the table, extending a hand to help her up.

Sarah looked at the hand with an unimpressed look and batted it away, standing on her own. An amused chuckled filled the air. “You can stay in Faith’s room for tonight.” He said and grabbed his jacket before he began walking her back to the room.

Outside was still cold, the wind not helping one bit, and the sleeves of her dress were all lace and did nothing to keep her warm. She could feel shivers coming on when John’s jacket wrapped around her shoulders. Sarah looked over at him with questioning eyes but his were fixed on the stars above. The sky was gorgeous, she had to admit, and he had a beautiful view of it from his ranch.

The walk back to the bedrooms passed in comfortable silence and before she knew it they were back inside standing outside her room.

“Thank you for the uh, well for dinner and the jacket,” Sarah said and handed it back to John, he’d been so uncharacteristically nice it was throwing her off. Sure she’d never actually met the guy before, but from everything she’d heard about him she had not expected today’s show of kindness.

He took back his jacket with a nodded and a smile before he reached around her to open the door. “Goodnight, Deputy.” He bid her before turning to continue down the hallway towards the other set of doors leading outside.

“Sarah,” She called after him and he abruptly stopped and looked back, his face contorted in slight confusion. “My name, my name is Sarah.” She clarified and watched what seemed like a genuine smile spread across his face.

“Well, goodnight Sarah.” He disappeared out the double doors and was consumed by the darkness outside. His absence in the hallway was quickly filled by Thomas when he stepped inside to stand guard by the doors. She gave him a polite nod before retreating into her room and locking the door behind her again.

 

It had been nearly two hours since she’d entered the room, surely everyone was asleep by now. Sarah lay on the bed, her eyes fighting to stay open as she mindlessly watched the clock bidding her time. She’d heard Thomas leave nearly a half hour ago, though she was certain he was close by. But by the sounds of it, he’d left out the door furthest from her so the doors she’d taken to get to dinner should be clear. Unless there were other Peggies out there. She’d cross that bridge when she got to it.

She was practically bouncing when she finally stood up and went to the bathroom to get her clothes. As quickly as she could, she pulled the dress off and got back into her still damp clothes, at least they had dried somewhat.

There were no weapons in the room so she’d have to rely on sneaking past people to get out. As quietly as she could, she unlocked the bedroom door and slowly opened it, peering around for any sign of Thomas or another guard before slipping out. She kept her steps slow as she crept to the doors leading to the back of the house and held her breath as she opened them. She didn’t dare breathe again until she was outside and had confirmed there were no guards close enough to see or hear her.

The flickering light of a dying fire pit to her right had her moving as fast as she could in the direction of the rest of the house. She had just reached the stairs when the murmuring of voices and crunching of gravel reached her ears as two guards came up on the corner. If she didn’t move quickly they’d be right on top of her in a few seconds. With only a moment of hesitation, she dashed up the stairs, crouching low as she opened a door and slipped inside. She had just closed the door when she heard the men come around the corner and she let out a quiet sigh of relief.

She stayed low as her eyes searched for another exit. The room was considerably darker than before, most of the lights had been turned off, but the fireplace was still roaring in the center. There was a door to her right that she was pretty sure lead outside and well if it didn’t she was screwed either way so she didn’t have much to lose. To get to the door she’d have to leave her cover, but the room was dead silent apart from the fire so she was fairly certain she was alone.

As soon as Sarah had started her half jog towards the door, the sound of a throat clearing had her frozen to the spot. She turned slowly, dread filling her movements, and bit back a shout of frustration when she saw John sitting forward on his couch and closing whatever book he must have been reading. Of fucking course he’d be awake, that was just her luck.

“Oh hey, John didn’t see you there. I was just— uh— going for a walk to clear my head?” Her excuse was pathetic and really she didn’t know why she was trying.

“Oh really? From where I’m sitting it looks like you were about to run into the darkness without so much as a goodbye.” He stood from his spot and started stalking towards her, something dark glinting in his expression.

“Ah well, you see…” She trailed off, inching away from him and towards the door. Only a few more feet and she’d be home free but as she moved closer he lunged forward. Her fingers grazed the doorknob as his arms wrapped around her and yanked her back deeper into the room. “Get. The fuck. Off me.” She exclaimed between elbowing him as he dragged her back.

He threw back against the wall of the fireplace and caged her in. “I was really hoping we could do all this without pointless fighting.” He said, his tone dripping with promises of punishment.

“Fuck. You.” She spat and reared back only to throw her head forward and slam it into his forehead.

“Fuck!” He roared and backed away, hand on her forehead covering where their skulls had just collided. His rage, which had been slightly tamed before, was now filling his facial features and spilling over into his movements as he began to surge forward again. Only this time Sarah was ready and she threw out her fist in time to hit him smack in the jaw, sending him falling back on his ass.

She didn’t waste a second getting out of his reach and running for the door. She paused at the door to look back at him, he was slowly picking himself back up, clearly still dazed. She took the moment to grab a jacket of one of the hooks beside the door before she ran out into the night.

Sarah pulled the jacket on as she ran, not daring to look back when she heard John’s angry shouts after her. She didn’t stop to catch her breath until she was well off the ranch property. She crouched in a field of tall yellow flowers while she struggled to get her breathing under control and soon found herself laughing in spite of her situation. 

She just punched John fucking Seed in the jaw. Boy was he gonna be pissed next time they ran into each other. She was a little sad she wouldn’t get to see the bruise, though based on what she’d seen of his lifestyle so far he’d probably cover it with expensive concealer so no one knew.

Once she could breathe again and had stopped laughing she started walking again. It was late and she didn’t have any of her gear or a radio to call Rook so she decided to go to the closest place she knew: the Ryes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I meant to have this finished and posted Thursday but my schoolwork ended up taking more time than I expected. Then, while I was attempting to proofread this again this afternoon my cat, whom I've based Finny off of, decided to flop down across my laptop and erase the whole document. So that took a little while to recover but it's back now and I finally get to post it. As I'm posting this my cat, whose name has become Moo-Man over the past two years, is slutting around my living room purring like a motor and drooling all over my leg because unfortunately both of my cats have a drooling problem when they get too excited.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed this new chapter. It was fun for me to write. If you guys want to, you can find me on Tumblr. I'm deputy-sarah-sux
> 
> I also realized while writing this that I haven't really talked about what Sarah looks like. I do have an image and face claim in mind so I will probably be posting a little bio for her on my Tumblr soon. Thomas also has a face claim and we will probably be seeing much more of him in the future.


	4. Chapter 4

_ John looked down at her with a happy smile. “I told you I would help you atone.” His voice was so fucking soft and Sarah felt like she could trust him with her entire life. _

_ She stood from her chair and looked down at herself. She was back in Faith’s white dress, it was decorated now with all sorts of flowers. A small Eden’s Gate tattoo now decorated her wrist along with a set of scales on the other hand. _

_ Her eyes met John’s once again and she couldn’t help the wide grin that spread over her face. She felt an overwhelming joy that she couldn’t understand. “Thank you.” _

_ He moved forward and grabbed her waist, pulling her flush against him. One hand moved up her side to cradle the side of her head. “I promised you I’d save you. Thank you for letting me.”  _

_ He gently pulled her forehead to his and closed his eyes, he looked at peace. Sarah sighed happily and closed hers as well. They stood there for what could have been eons, swapping breaths and reveling in each other’s touch. _

_ Screaming broke the peace and suddenly John was gone from her fingertips and she was standing alone in the middle of the ranch. She looked back down and her dress was now torn all over, blood coated her hands and one of the sleeves had been nearly ripped off. _

_ “John?” She called out, concern lacing her voice. “Rook? Nick?” Panic was rising, the screaming hadn’t stopped. There was gunfire somewhere nearby but she wasn’t sure where. She broke into a run, pushing through one of the doors, and continued screaming out names. _

_ The scream broke off into a choked sob and a hand grabbed her leg, tripping her. She looked back in horror at Hudson who was clawing at her boot, the only sound coming from her was an unending sob. She struggled away, crawling backward in a panic, her eyes never left Hudson’s.  _

_She bumped into something and whipped around, Hudson started screaming again. Sarah let out a broken sob herself when she saw what she’d just hit. John lay on the ground in a pool of his own blood, bullet holes riddled his body.  _

_ “I trusted you.” His voice screamed at her, rage causing her to shrink back. He didn’t move but she could hear him in her head. _

_ “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” She sobbed, terrified to touch him. _

_ “How could you Sarah?” She looked over and Nick and Kim were looking down at her, disappointment heavy in their voices. “We trusted you. You were supposed to save us.” _

_ “No no no.” She shook her head violently and forced herself up, running away from all the voices swirling around her head. Suddenly, Rook stood in front of her and grabbed her arms, forcing her to stop. _

_ “What have you done?” Her voice was cold and she looked at Sarah with a hard expression. Sarah realized her eyes were a milky white, her skin cold and complex pale. There was blood coating her deputy’s shirt. “You killed everyone.” _

_“No no no no no!” Sarah wailed, collapsing to the ground. The sobs and screams of her friends around her assaulted her senses, she clamped her hands around her ears to maybe keep them away.  _

_ The gunfire was back, louder now, so fucking loud. A particularly loud bang close by had her gasping. _

Sarah shot up from the couch she’d been asleep on, her breathing rapid and panicked. She looked around blindly, trying to regain her bearings. The gunfire from her dream was still there, loud as ever and she realized it must have been what woke her up.

A bullet shot past her and lodged itself in the wall behind her head and Sarah dropped back down. That was one way to wake up her up. She scrambled off the couch and moved to grab her gun. She’d had enough sense to take down one of John’s minions on her way out and had taken the woman’s AR-C with her.

She poked her head up and out of cover, counting how many people were outside the hangar and where they were. She noticed Nick ducked behind a crate, he was pinned down and a Peggie was coming up on his right.

She aimed her assault rifle at the man and fired, a burst of bullets impaled him and he dropped. Nick swung around wide-eyed to look at her and Sarah raised a hand to wave.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” He shouted over the sound of bullets, Sarah ducked back down into her cover. Of course, Nick Rye of all people thought the middle of a gunfight was the right time to have a conversation.

“I’m saving your ass! What does it look like?” She shouted back, aiming her gun over the couch again and taking down another Peggie. Nick took the opportunity of her distraction to exit his cover and fire on more of their attackers. Sarah jumped over the back of the couch as he lay down cover and, staying low, she ran towards a crate adjacent to Nick’s.

“What the hell do they want?” She asked between firing her gun and ducking away from flying bullets.

“Fuck if I know,” Nick answered, his voice wavering with fear. He was probably dead scared about Kim.

“Get the plane!” Someone shouted an order and Nick stood up immediately.

“Don’t you dare touch Carmina!” He shouted back in anger, Sarah shot across the divide and grabbed him, yanking him back down just in time as more bullets from towards where he’d just been standing.

“Forget the fucking plane, you idiot.” She hissed, he was gonna get himself killed before he even got the chance to meet his kid at this rate. Sarah was going to have to go to Kim and tell her that her idiot husband got himself killed over a plane of all things.

There was another burst of gunfire from behind them and Sarah turned around, her own gun raised and ready to fire. She gasped and immediately dropped it when she saw Rook advancing with her gun pointed at the cultists.

“Jesus Christ I almost shot you!” Sarah shouted at her as Rook took cover, she merely shrugged. The loud bang of a sniper above them rang out and a cultist dropped, Rook must have taken Sarah’s advice and introduced herself to Grace.

With the addition of two more guns, picking off the rest of their attacker was easier, though they weren’t fast enough to prevent one getting away with Carmina. Nick shouted after the plane, running down the runway a few feet before he stopped and dropped his head with a sad sigh.

Sarah swung an arm around Nick’s shoulders and pulled him against her side. “We’ll get her back buddy. Let’s go check on Kim, yeah?”

“Shit.” He exclaimed and broke away, taking off at a jog towards the house. Sarah looked back at Rook who was talking to Grace and pointed in the direction Nick had gone before following behind him after she got a nod from both of them.

She smiled when she broke through the trees in time to see Kim come out and wrap Nick in a big hug. She leaned against one of the trees watching the couple happily. They really were fucking perfect, she was honestly jealous. 

Kim saw her and waved her over, going back into the house with Nick trailing behind her, Sarah followed them in. “Thanks for helping us out Sarah.”

“Hey, where’d you come from anyways?” Nick asked in confusion and he flopped down on the couch, his head tipped over the back so he could see her.

“I slept here.” At their obvious confusion, she shrugged. “John grabbed me last night, I got away and came here. But it was late and I didn’t want to be a both so I just slept on the couch in the main hangar." 

Nick bristled at the mention of John, his hand clenching into a fist. Kim instantly shot into mother mode and grabbed Sarah’s face, tilting it this way and that to check for injuries. Sarah batted her hands away.  
  
“I’m fine Kim, seriously. He barely touched me, I got away before he could do anything.” It wasn’t exactly the truth, but it wasn’t a total lie either. “Just don’t tell Rook okay? She’s got enough to worry about.”

Kim gave her a look but nodded in unwilling agreement. A knock on the door turned their collective attention to the front of the house where Rook was standing awkwardly in the door. Nick jumped up from the couch to thank her for helping out and launched into a rant about his plane getting taken. Sarah stifled a giggle at Kim’s heavy eye roll and moved into the kitchen to grab some water. 

A weight brushed against her leg and Sarah startled, looking down to find the culprit. Finny looked up at her with big yellow eyes and meowed, happy purrs reaching her ears. God, she’d missed this little idiot. She scooped him, peppering his face with kisses and shoving her nose into his gorgeous tuxedo coat.

“Baby boy, you’re okay. I missed you. How’s my handsome guy? You got here all on your own, you’re so smart. I love you so much. You’re my favor—” The room was dead silent, Sarah looked up awkwardly to find three sets of eyes on her, Nick had a stupid grin on his face. Rook was giving her the same deadpan look she gave whenever she babied Boomer. “What? Leave me alone I missed my best guy.” She said defensively to the room before she returned to cooing at the cat and the chatter in the room started up again.

 

 

They had been doing fine, no one at US Auto had seen them yet, there were only three guys left to take down before they could call in the Resistance to take over the place. They were in the home stretch. Then Grace happened. 

They’d agreed to take the outpost stealthily and Grace, being their sniper, had found a spot overlooking the area. She was their backup, absolute worst case scenario she was to start shooting. There was no silencer on her gun, God knows why. So every cultist within a mile would hear the shots and none of them were all that prepared for a massive gunfight.

Sarah had been strangling a woman when the shot rang out clear as day and the cultist that Rook had been moving towards dropped. Sarah’s eyes went wide and she released the woman as she, Rook, and the last uninjured Peggie all raced towards the only intact alarm. He reached it just before Grace fired, triggering it then dropping ungracefully to the floor.

“Goddammit, Grace!” Sarah shouted towards the sniper’s position. They had a few minutes to get in positions and it became an all-out scramble.

With no need for discretion anymore, Sarah fired her pistol at the woman she’d been strangling earlier who had finally gotten up. When she was down Sarah quickly grabbed her own pistol and unloaded it, pocketing the rounds. She noticed Rook doing the same and was glad they were on the same page. They would need all the extra bullets they could get.

The first wave rolled in and Sarah ducked into cover behind an old car. Two trucks, about 8 people total, skidded to a stop in the scrapyard and the cultists jumped out screaming. Sarah barely had time to aim before bullets were raining down on her.

They picked them off slowly, Grace assisting from her spot, and Sarah getting so fucking overwhelmed. Everyone was shouting, the cultists, Rook, herself, even Grace over the radio. Sarah was having a real tough fucking time keeping her head on straight.

She fired again just as a scream pierced the air, but she did her best to block it out as she continued firing on the incoming cultists. Her radio crackled to life again and this time Grace’s voice was more frantic than before, causing Sarah’s attention to focus on it.

“Rook’s down! One of the damn Peggie’s shot her.” Sarah risked a look out to where Rook had been and noticed her on the floor.

“Fuck! No no, oh, God.” Sarah cursed and ran from her spot, thankful for Grace’s cover fire. She threw herself down next to Rook. “Please be alive. Please be alive.” Rook coughed and Sarah gasped in relief.

“Thank God.” She exclaimed, standing up and pulling Rook with her. “Get inside the garage, you can’t shoot like that.” She ordered, gesturing to the fresh bullet wound in her arm. Rook nodded, obviously in shock, and went into the garage. Sarah didn’t dare breath until she was safe inside.

“Alright who shot my fucking friend?” She shouted at the cultists, “I wasn’t that pissed before but I’m gonna kill every last one of you now.” She didn’t bother with cover, letting her rage and worry take over, her finger squeezed the trigger over and over until the last cultist dropped.

Grace’s hand on her shoulder had her swinging around, eyes wide and gun raised. The woman backed away with her hands up and Sarah sobered slightly.

“Shit sorry.” She apologized and dropped the gun. Grace took a few steps back and regarded her cautiously, Sarah didn’t like the feeling of being sized up. She asked Grace to radio the Resistance in the area before retreating to the garage to tend to her own wounds as well as Rook’s.

 

 

The bullet had been a through and through, thank God, and Rook had been up and about as soon as Sarah stitched it up. Sarah had gotten away with just some scratches, bruises, and a cut on her leg from where a bullet had grazed her. All in all, they’d been pretty damn lucky considering how screwed up everything had gotten. 

After the Resistance had arrived they’d helped one woman track down her missing friends, finding two alive. The third had been devoured by a very angry bear that would have killed them both as well if they hadn’t been quick and climb atop the shipping container it had been locked inside. 

Sarah had taken that combined with everything else that had happened that day as a sign that she should take a break to get her head back on straight. So after bidding Grace and Rook goodbye and stocking up on ammunition for her guns, she’d taken one of the cultist trucks and driven home. 

When she’d first moved to Hope County, she’d bought a one bedroom house not too far from the Ryes, it had been the reason she met them in the first place. It wasn’t much, looked kind of run down and pathetic from the outside honestly, but it was home.

She dropped her guns on the kitchen table before throwing herself onto her bed with an exhausted sigh. She hadn’t slept in almost two days, between running from John Seed and solving everyone else’s problems, she hadn’t taken even a minute to herself.

She yawned and kicked off her boots, curling in on herself and wrapping the jacket she’d stolen earlier around her body. It smelled nice, like expensive cologne and coffee. It was warm too, John had excellent taste in outwear it seemed. It felt safe. She tried to be disgusted at herself, she really did, but she couldn’t find it in her. Instead, she covered her face with the jacket, smothering herself in the smell, in the safety.

Mumbling from the kitchen had her jumping from the bed and she raced out of her room. She’d left her radio on and now John’s voice poured through the speaker.

“I’m just disappointed.” She caught the last of whatever he’d been saying and grabbed the radio. She let out a genuine laugh at his tone, it was almost playful. She walked back to her bedroom, laying back down on her bed. 

She was glad she and Rook had decided to switch their personal frequency. Sarah still wanted to hold off on the big reveal that she’d been grabbed.

Sarah pressed the button on her radio to talk, “What do you want?” There was a beat of silence before John responded.

“I’ve already told you that.”

“I’m not joining your cult.” She left no room for arguing. There was a heavy sigh on the other side.

“Fine,” She could practically hear him rolling his eyes, “Are you enjoying my jacket?”

Sarah smiled and pulled the jacket tighter. “It’s fine,” She feigned disinterest, “Warm. I think I’ll keep it.” 

“Do you have any idea how much it cost me?”  


“Do you have any idea how little I care?”

There was a long silence and for a second Sarah actually thought she’d offended him enough to scare him away. Maybe she could finally get some sleep.

“Where are you?” John’s voice poured through the speaker again and Sarah groaned.

“Not telling you.” She replied in a sing-song voice. “I don’t need you sending your bitch ass lapdog to come get me.”

“Thomas would be highly offended if he heard that.” There was an obvious smirk in his voice. It shouldn’t be fucking possible to be able to hear a smirk, but this was John “Drama Queen” Seed.

Sarah bit back a laugh. “Again does it look like I care?”

“I don’t know, I can’t see you. I could though, if you came back.” He sounded almost hopeful and it had Sarah furrowing her brow.

“Why would I ever willingly go back to your ranch?” He had to be even more insane than she’d thought if he expected her to just waltz back in as if nothing had happened.

“Because you feel safe here, Sarah. In fact, I would say it’s the only place you’ve ever felt safe.” He sounded cocky, he was trying to get a rise out of her and it was working. Sarah felt her blood run cold and she threw the radio away from her. Screw him.

She stripped off the jacket and threw it away with the radio. She left the room to check that all the doors and windows were locked before retreating back to her bed.

Sarah didn’t want to think about what John had said. Yet she lay under the covers, gnawing at her lower lip, and his words swirled around her head. 

He’d been right, at the ranch she’d felt safe and that terrified her. She hadn’t relied on another person in years, she hadn’t felt safe anywhere for just as long. The fact that she felt safe in the company of someone like John Seed of all people made her feel sick. If her friends knew they would all hate her.

Her worries ran around her head until sheer exhaustion took over and she let sleep take her. As she fell asleep she heard the crackle of the radio across the room and John’s voice filled the room.

“I will see you and your Deputy soon, Sarah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Truth be told I wrote the majority of this sitting in a classroom ignoring my PSCI lecture. I have no clue what the hell we were supposed to be learning, something about stars I think? This was more fun. I hope you all enjoyed it.


	5. Chapter 5

It had been nearly a week since she’d spoken to John on the radio. The channel that he had previously called her on remained silent when Sarah was tuned to it which was more and more now. She told herself she was just keeping it on that channel so she could get a heads up if John sent his goons after her.

Since leaving the Ryes’ and taking US Auto back for the Resistance, Sarah and Rook had been laying low. Sarah had collected Boomer from the packing facility and brought him back to her house where he’d proceeded to make himself at home on her couch. It was comforting to have him there, though he’d woken her up a few times so he could bark at squirrels.

She was curled up on the couch reading a trashy novel when her radio blared to life, causing Boomer to leap up from his spot next to her and start barking again. Sarah shushed the dog and looked at the radio in front of her, anxious to hear what it was about to relay.

“Deputy? This is Mary May over at the Spread Eagle.” Mary’s voice rang out and Sarah sat forward, her book discard and elbows resting on her knees. “We’ve got a bit of a problem. John Seed and his fucking Peggies are trying to take the town.”

Sarah swore and jumped up, she cranked the volume on her radio in case someone else called and ran into her room to change. While she was rushing to change into something more practical, she heard Dutch telling Rook to head to Falls End.

Changed, Sarah holstered her 1911 and slung her rifle across her back. “You stay here Boomer, I don’t want you getting hurt. I promise I’ll be back soon.” She gave the dog a few pats before heading out the door, locking it behind her.

As she climbed into her truck, she debated radioing Rook to let her know she was on her way, but she decided against it. If the Peggies had their radios tuned to the channel she didn’t want to alert them to her arrival.

The radio clicked on with the car, she had forgotten that she’d left it on Peggie radio. Oh John carried through the speakers and Sarah couldn’t help but smile. The song was actually really pretty. She caught herself singing along in no time and didn’t really care, it was catchy dammit.

 

“I’m gonna strafe these sinners.” A voice echoed through the radio of a fallen cultist nearby. Sarah looked to the sky in time to see the plane start to fire and dove for cover. Bullets peppers the spot she’d just been standing and she took a shaking breath.

She’d shown up to a mostly calm situation, the Peggies had already won the battle and taken over the town. Her plan had been to stay low and do this stealthily, then a few had spotted her when she was trying to get into the church and that plan got thrown out the window.

Rook had shown up just in time and, with the added firepower, they’d managed to free most of the people of the town and take out the majority of the Peggies on the ground. That’s when two panes had shown up and everything went to shit again.

Mary May was screaming at Rook about a mounted gun somewhere but Rook was focused on keeping the ground reinforcements at bay. Sarah could get to it, she just had to time it right. She looked to the sky again to figure out where the planes were and about how long she had till they fired again.

The one plane that had just fired was circling back to fire again, however the other simply circled the town menacingly. It was black, unlike the other white was a bright white, similar to all of the other Project vehicles. Its color and height above them reminded Sarah of a circling crow.

The white plane fired again, as soon as the bullet were past her spot Sarah shot from cover and ran towards the general store. She kept looking back towards the black plane as she hastily climbed the ladder. On the roof, she spotted the mounted gun almost immediately and rushed to it.

She lined up the shot with the white plane and held the trigger down. They exchanged fire until enough of her bullets had hit the engine and the plane exploded, the force causing Sarah to jump back and press herself against the ground. Pieces of the plane rained down on the streets below, the smell of burning fuel filled the air, and the flaming carcass of the plane crashed down near the water tower.

The black plane circled once more before turning and leaving, Sarah took it as her cue to climb back down and rejoin everyone else. By the time she was back on the ground, Mary May, Rook, and Pastor Jerome had already disappeared into the Spread Eagle. Sarah stepped in just in time to hear the tail end of their conversation.

Jerome nodded at her as he passed on his way back to the church, Sarah returned it and leaned against the wall, watching Rook and Mary May share a beer. She felt a little ignored, neither had even acknowledged her presence, in Rook’s case she had her back to her but Mary May could see Sarah standing there clear as day.

“Rook?” Sarah finally said, causing her friend to look in her direction.

“Partner!” Rook cheered and grabbed Sarah, pulling her down onto a stool. “Good job taking down that plane. Thought it was gonna kill us all.” Sarah smiled at the woman and shrugged at the praise.

“It was nothing, you would’ve done the same.”

“Well yeah, obviously, but I didn’t you did. Mary May can I get another beer and…” She turned to Sarah with a prompting look.

“Oh um I guess a vodka tonic.” A minute of waiting and the drinks were served. Sarah smiled at her drinking companion as they cheered before taking a long drink from her glass. She breathed a happy sigh and the warm feeling the licked her throat as the drink went down, she hadn’t had a proper drink since before all this shit started and God she’d missed it.

More patrons filed into the bar and as day turned to night Sarah and Rook found themselves moving to a small table outside, their drinks moving with them. Sarah nursed her eighth vodka tonic of the night, sipping it idly through a tiny straw she’d stolen from beside Mary May’s coffee pot.

“You got a first name?” Sarah broke the silence, she kicked her feet up on the table, leaning the chair back precariously.

“Yeah?” Rook responded with a small grin, quirking her eyebrow.

Sarah waited for her to give it before letting out an exaggerated sigh. “Well… what is it?”

“Tessa, Tessa Rook.” Rook, or rather Tessa, responded, Sarah would have to get used to the first name.

Sarah broke into a goofy grin. “Wait your last name is Rook?” A nod of affirmation sent Sarah into a fit of giggling. “So you’re Tessa Rook the rookie? On God, that’s the best thing I’ve ever heard.”

Her hysterics infectious as soon Tessa had joined in the laughter, only to start laughing even harder when Sarah, in all her idiocy, leaned back and topped her chair. She paused in shock before meeting Tessa’s eyes and laughing just as hard.

“Jesus fuck I love that.” Sarah wiped a few tears from her eyes, still laying on the floor. Mary May’s face swirled into view to tell them they were cut off and Sarah only grinned stupidly at the woman and waved her away. Someone pulled her up off the ground and handed her back the jacket she’d left inside, John’s jacket, the keys jangled in it.

“G’night Rookie. See ya tomorrow.” Her words slurred together and she waved at the other woman before shoving her hands in the pockets of her jacket and starting her trek back to her truck. It was slow going, she was swaying an awful lot, not to mention it was dark as shit out so she was tripping over her own feet.

With a lot of fumbling, tumbled toes, and swearing, Sarah finally found the truck and pulled the keys out to unlock the door. The key scrapped against the door, missing the lock on the hand completely and dropped from Sarah’s hand. “Fuck me.” She swore, dropping to the ground to find them, kicking them farther away in the process.

After maybe two minutes she gave up, she was a quitter by nature and slumped against the side of the car. Her radio dug into her side, an idea popped into her head and in her drunken stupor, it seemed absolutely genius.

It was still turned to the old frequency she’d shared with Tessa before John had hijacked it, he hadn’t talked to her on it in a while but maybe he still had the frequency tuned.

She clicked the button to talk and waited a second before actually saying anything, “John?” She waited, nothing. “Come on John I know you’re there. Johnny? Johnnycakes? Answer me.” She was practically whining.

“What?” John finally answered and he sounded irritated beyond all hell. “Do you have any idea what time it is, deputy?”

“No.” She deadpanned before bursting into another fit of giggles. “You know you say deputy weird.”

“What do you want Sarah.” His tone was getting more irritated by the second and Sarah couldn’t help the amused tone that slipped into her’s.

“Whatcha doing?” No answer. “Torturing lost souls? Marking sinners? Hey, what’d my sin be?”

“What are you talking about?”

“When you called me the first time, to tell me you were gonna free me from sin, you said you knew my sins. Well, what are they?”

“Wrath. Pride. Sloth if the past week is being taken into account. No one has seen you in days have you even left your house?” There was playful accusation in his voice

“Hmm, okay I guess those are valid. Guess I pictured myself as more of a Lust girl but Pride is fine too.” She shrugged, her slur was worse than it had been earlier as exhaustion started to take over.

“You’re drunk,” John replied, realization finally dawning on him.

Sarah clicked the button to talk again and laughed. “No shit honey.”

“I’m sending someone to get you.” She could practically hear him pinching his nose in irritation. He was probably shouting at some exhausted guard, Sarah couldn’t help but at the image. “Where the hell are you?”

“Outside Falls End, but I have a car. When I find the keys I can drive home don’t worry.”

“You’re not driving home,” He snapped, “Just wait there, someone is coming for you. Just wait, please.” His last words were softer, his voice carried the same gentleness as it had at the baptism and Sarah sighed at it. “Sarah? Sarah are you still—”

“I’ll wait, John,” She cut him off, “I’ll wait.” The few lights in town were shutting off one by one until all the was left was the Spread Eagle sign. Sarah’s head lolled back, hitting the truck softly with a quiet clunk, and she smiled up at the stars, waiting.

The crunch of dirt under tires announced her escort’s arrival long before the truck stopped in front of her. She looked up at the driver as they, he, stepped out, and she grinned at him. “John sent his favorite lapdog. Hi Tommy.”

Thomas rolled his eyes and stooped down to help Sarah up. “Hello, deputy.” He didn’t seem pleased to be out here, Sarah didn’t really care.

“It’s Sarah, pretty sure we’re gonna see lots more of each other.” Thomas held her gaze for a second before sighing and shaking his head. He led her to the car, helping her into the passenger’s seat and strapping her in. “Can you take me home?”

“I’m taking you to John.”

“No.” She sounded like an angry child, on the verge of stopping her foot in protest. “Home. If you take me to the ranch I’m just gonna break Johnny’s nose and run away again.”

“It’s not up for debate, missy. Now sit back and fall asleep or something, just stop bitching.” He was definitely not pleased to be here, John probably woke him up. Sarah glared at the man for a second before finally shrugging and turning in her chair so her head was against the window. She tried to pull her legs onto the chair, but they were too damned long and she gave up after a minute of struggling.

The Hope County choir played quietly through the speakers and the beginning of “We Will Rise Again” lulled her to sleep as they neared the ranch.

 

Sunlight pouring in through the uncovered window woke Sarah up with a pained groan. She practically hissed at the light and rolled over, covering her head with her pillow. She was vaguely aware that it wasn’t her pillow, her bed, or her room, but she honestly didn’t give a shit right now.

She cracked open groggy blues eyes and noticed the glass of water and bottle of pain killers on the bedside, bless whoever had left them because fuck was she feeling last night. She downed a couple pills and chugged the glass before laying back in the bed and taking some steadying breaths.

Sarah finally pushed back the blankets and climbed out of bed, albeit incredibly slowly. She was grateful to see that she was still dressed in her clothes from last night, minus her boots and stolen jacket. There were clothes sitting on top of the dresser in the room and Sarah looked at them curiously for a moment before her attention moved to the bathroom.

She stripped off her clothing, biting back a small curse as she jostled some injuries from yesterday’s gunfight. She turned on the shower and stepped in, finally breathing a sigh of relief when the hot water rushed over her. An audible groan escaped her lips as she washed, the water at her house never got nearly this hot, it was like she was in heaven.

When she’d finished up and toweled herself dry, she dressed in the clothing that had been left for her: jeans that actually fit relatively well and a dark blue button up that was obviously a man’s. She rolled the sleeves up and left a few of the top buttons undone. It clearly didn’t fit still, so she tucked the rest into her jeans. Her boots were next to the door and she pulled them on, someone had scrubbed all the dirt off of them, weird.

Sarah stepped out the door and stopped when she saw Thomas standing across from it. “Morning.” He greeted, he sounded exhausted and Sarah felt a touch of pity for the poor man. He’d probably been out there for hours.

“Good morning, Thomas.” She returned the greeting and followed him as he led the way out the front door instead of the back like he had last time. They stepped out onto a covered patio and Sarah took a brief moment to breathe in the cool morning air before continuing behind her guide.

Thomas stopped in front of a table and gestured for Sarah to take a seat. She looked around curiously before sliding into a chair, tapping her fingers on the wood to stave off the awkward silence that had formed. A copy of the Book of Joseph sat on the table and Sarah traced the gold embellishments on the cover until a forced cough caught her attention.

Sarah looked up to see John and held his gaze as he sat down across from her. He handed her one of the two mugs he’d been carrying and sat back as a cultist who’d followed him set down to plates of various breakfast foods.

“Do you want cream or sugar for that?” He gestured to the mug and Sarah simply nodded, stunned by the domesticity of the whole situation. The Peggie scurried away before returning with a small cup of cream and a little bowl of sugar. Sarah tore her eyes away from John to smile in thanks before fixing her coffee to the way she liked it.

After another few minutes of silence, John just watching her as he sipped his coffee and she nibbled at a piece of buttered toast, she finally broke. “Thanks for not letting me drive, probably woulda killed myself.” She let out a hollow laugh, this whole situation was so weird and she honestly had no clue was to expect.

“You’re welcome. I can’t have you dying for you can reach atonement.” Sarah tensed at that but John quickly waved his hand away. “I didn’t bring you here for that, _this time_. I just wanted to make sure you didn’t choke on your own vomit during the night so I had Thomas bring you here.” He nodded to the other man before allowing him to leave.

“Ah, lovely, what a wonderful image for breakfast.” Sarah laughed a little and dared to let her guard down as she finally dug into the meal. “So is this going to become a thing? You send one of your guys to bring me here and we eat a meal together.”

“It could be.” John shrugged, faking nonchalance, but the look on his face betrayed him as a hopeful look flashed across him.

Sarah hid a smile behind her mug and finished it off, pushing her plate away. She leaned back, looking around at her surroundings. 

“What’s your angle here John?”

“No angle. I just want to help you.”

“But why? I’m not the one who was prophesied, I’m not Joseph’s harbinger of the apocalypse. So why are you so invested in my safety and intent on freeing me from my sins?” There wasn’t a hint of mockery in her voice, she was genuinely curious.

John paused, his fingers lacing together as his brow creased in thought. The movement drew Sarah’s attention and she admired the tattoos that she could see decorating his hand. “I see my own sins in you,” He finally said, his blue eyes darting from her to the Book of Joseph on the table and then back. “I want to help you be free of them. They’re a burden I wouldn’t wish on anyone.”

Sarah was shocked by the honesty in his voice and leaned across the table, to do what she wasn’t sure. Her hand hovered over his in hesitation for a moment, her eyes locked with the Herald before she pulled it back and stood from the chair. John followed her up with a look of apprehension.

“You said last time that you’d show me your plane hangar. Lead the way.” She was grateful that he didn’t try to continue their conversation but instead grinned in excitement and started off towards the hangar.

He held the door open for her to walk through and followed close behind her. Inside sat a sleek looking black plane, white Project logos decorating the wings and tail. John immediately launched into a detailed description of the type of plane and why he’d chosen it. As he went on and on, his voice getting more excited as he pointed out little things about the plane Sarah caught herself smiling. She couldn’t help but find it adorable. He reminded her of Nick the first time she asked him to teach her to fly and he’d spent nearly two hours fawning over Carmina before even teaching her the controls. If things were different she was sure John and Nick would be the best of friends.

Things weren’t different though, and the Peggie armed to the teeth in the corner served as a reminder of that. His eyes never left her as she followed John around the plane, his finger resting on the trigger. He made it very clear that one wrong move and she’d find herself dead on the floor.

John must have talked himself out because he finally finished his excited rant and lead her back outside, stopping by the steps to the front of the ranch. He seemed to be warring with himself over something, the crease in his brow was back. Finally, he snapped a finger and a nervous looking women scurried up, quiet words were exchanged and after a few angry looks cast Sarah’s way by the woman, she produced a set of keys from her pocket.

John took the keys and waved her away then turned to Sarah. “I told you I wasn’t going to take you for confession today.” He held the keys out to her, watching to see what she’d do. Sarah gave him a curious look and took them from her, weighing them in her hand for a minute. “There’s a truck down the road, you’re free to leave when you want.” He turned around and started to walk away, pointedly not looking back as if he didn’t want to see what she was going to do.

“Why?” Sarah called after her, still frozen to the ground. Why the fuck would he give her an escape? This had to be some sort of trap.

He turned and looked after her with soft eyes. “After our last encounter, I now understand that this is something I cannot force on you. When you’re ready to atone you’ll come to me.”

Sarah looked between the keys in her hand and John, still unsure. “I— thank you.” She took a few steps in the direction of the car before pivoting and striding to stand in front of him. “John,” He paused again and met her eyes. “I mean it, thanks. For this, for last night, for everything.” She gestured to her clean clothes and in the direction the breakfast they’d shared.

John smiled and without thinking Sarah touched his arm as she returned it. He looked down in slight shock before looking back up, his own hand coming up to wrap around the back of her head and pull her forehead against his. “I hope to see you again soon Sarah.” He pulled away, the smile not leaving his face, and walked back into the house. Sarah watched until the door had closed before she set off towards the car, ignoring the glares of every cultist standing outside.

She climbed into the car and drove towards the Ryes’, Rook had been sleeping on their couch for the past week and hopefully, she would still be there. It was well past time Sarah told her about John’s new interest in her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took so long to post. I fully intended to finish it up Thursday night and post it Friday at some point, but I watched Endgame and then spent the night at a friend's house. I was shopping for the majority of Friday and then worked yesterday so I didn't get the chance to finish this until last night at like 2am.
> 
> I wanna go on record and say that the first half of this was written during another science lecture, I have no clue how I have an A in the class when I haven't taken notes in weeks.


	6. Chapter 6

Hope County had been hit with a heat wave, the last two days had been passed in agony with the air-conditioning inside whatever car they traveled in. The only sound inside the pickup was choir music drifting softly through the radio. Sarah sat in the passenger’s seat counting ammo and reloading her weapons as well as Rook.

She’d told Rook about John when she’d gotten to the Rye's. Thankfully she’d still been there so Sarah had been able to pull her aside and tell her everything. Well not _everything_ , she’d left out the weird baptism and the softer details from her two encounters with him. She’d had been rightfully pissed off that Sarah hadn’t told her sooner, but aside from that, she didn’t seem too worried. She had, however, decided that they stick together from now on if they went out to do something for the resistance they went together.

So they now found themselves sitting in the car on the side of the road waiting for a fuel truck to drive by. Falls End was running low and Mary May had tasked them with bringing some tankers back. Of course, that was easier said than done.

“You ready?” Rook asked and pointed down the road to a fuel tanker driving slowly towards them. Sarah nodded and loaded the clip into her sniper.

She grabbed the outside of the car and pulled herself out of the car so she was sitting on the open window, her shoes leaving boot prints on the seat. She twisted and raised the scope to line up her shot. She took a breath as she centered the crosshairs on the driver’s chest. Normally she would go for a headshot but if she did that they risked the tanker careening off the road and crashing into something.

She held her breath and fired, watching through her scope as the bullet impaled the man. The brakes squealed and it veered towards a ditch on the side of the road but came to a halt before going over. Sarah finally let herself breathe.

She dropped back into the car as Rook drove towards the tanker. They stopped next to it and Rook climbed out. Sarah waited in the passenger seat with her AR-C trained on the road in front of them in case some cultists decided to crash the party.

Something caught Sarah’s eye near the truck, Rook was dragging the dead Peggie away. Sarah jumped out of her seat to get closer, unsure of what it was she’d seen. When she got close to the tank she gagged, the smell of gasoline was sickening. Her eyes widened when she realized what it was she had seen. A stream of flame was shooting out from behind the driver’s seat, her bullet must have gone through the guy and into the tank. She hadn’t switched out of the armor-piercing bullets.

“Run!” Sarah shouted at Rook, turning on heel and sprinting back to the car and leaped into the drivers. She flipped it into reverse and skidded backward, stopping long enough for Rook to get in.

“What the fuck is going on?” Rook’s voice was frantic and demanding.

“I shot the tanker. When I shot the Peggie I hit the tank and ignited the gas.” Sarah craned her neck to look behind them as she reversed away.

“What?” Rook shouted, panic and anger coming across clear. “How the fuck?”

Sarah didn’t answer, a Resistance car drove past them towards the tanker. They both watched helplessly as the car got closer just as the tanker blew. The women screamed as the force of the explosion caused their bones to rattle.

Sarah couldn’t hear anything and there was a massive spot in the center of her vision. She fumbled around until she grasped the door handle and pulled it. She tumbled out of the car to the hot asphalt below. She swore and rubbed her head as she sat on the ground.

Rook stumbled around to the driver’s side and grabbed Sarah’s arm, yanking her up and pointing in the direction of the Resistance members, she was saying something that Sarah couldn’t hear. The van hadn’t exploded in the blast but a thick black smoke was pouring out of the engine.

Sarah followed behind Rook, trying to keep her bearings as they got closer. The vehicle’s occupants were passed out, Sarah followed her partner’s lead and opened one of the doors to drag someone out. The engine caught fire and Sarah tugged harder on the woman in her arms, there were still two people left inside, one in the passenger’s seat and one more in the backseat. She pulled the woman to safety and took a few steps towards the van again.

The explosion that followed sent her flying back onto her ass. Her hearing had been starting to return, extremely muffled but it had been coming back. Now the only thing she could hear was a high pitched ringing. Her head screamed at her to stay down as she shoved herself into a sitting position. The bright spot in her vision was worse now, she could see it every time she blinked.

Somewhere deep down she knew she should check the van, see if anyone survived. She should look for Rook, should check on the woman she’d pulled out. Yet once she’d pushed herself to her feet she found herself stumbling away from the explosion down the road. All other thoughts gone from her mind, she dragged herself past the car chasing safety, home.

It wasn’t long before cars rolled up. Sarah wasn’t surprised, she barely blinked an eye at the white trucks with the Eden’s Gate symbols painted on their doors. Someone tugged on her arm, hazy, confused, shocked, Sarah turned painfully slowly and made eye contact with Rook. She was saying something, Sarah just shook her head and pulled away to resume her walking.

A Peggie jumped from their car and walked towards Sarah, she stopped and looked down at her gun, safely tucked in its holster. She could draw it, she had time. She didn’t, just stopped moving and watched the man as he got closer. He grabbed her and slammed her against a nearby truck, she was numbly aware that it hurt. The barrel of a gun pressed against her neck and she took a sharp inhale if this was how it ended then so be it. She pushed against the gun and felt hesitation in the man.

Pain enveloped her chest and she looked up, past the man with the gun at her throat, to see another had shot her. Rook lay on the ground not too far away. Star and sparkles swam around her vision and the ringing in her ears got softer. Bliss bullets. Sarah closed her eyes and breathed as the bliss took over and she collapsed to the ground.

 

“Why the hell is she here?” Someone shouted and the sound of something breaking drifted through the doorway.

“She was with the deputy, I thought—“ Another voice, it sounded scared.

“You thought? You thought?!” Sarah groaned, the voices assaulting her ears made her headache worse. “I ordered everyone to leave her alone. You were just supposed to take the rookie not her.” Someone cried out in pain, Sarah tried to care but she couldn’t find the effort in her.

She opened her eyes hesitantly, grateful for the shitty lighting in the room she was in. It was dark aside from the few dim yellow lights hanging above, it was supposed to be menacing she was sure, but to her just felt comforting in a way. There was no one else around, she was finally alone. Except she wasn’t.

Someone cried out to her left, frantic and muffled. Sarah looked to the source, her eye’s fixing on Hudson who was tied to a chair in the corner of the room. She opened her mouth to say something but found she couldn’t, her mouth was taped shut. A touch of panic set in, Sarah looked wildly around to get her bearings, the binds on her wrist cut in every time she moved. Groaning from her right alerted her to Rook’s presence in the room.

The sound of metal squealing caught Sarah’s attention and she watched the door closest to Rook swing open. John stepped through, violence and rage painted on his face and obvious in the way he stalked into the room. Hudson was screaming, Sarah wanted to tell her to shut the fuck up, it was hurting her head.

John paused by Rook who was only now starting to stir but continued on until he stopped in front of Sarah. He grabbed her chin with a grip much harder than she was comfortable with and forced her head up to look him in the eye, turned her this way and that as his too blue eyes looked for something. His body language threatened cat violence, cruelty, all the pain to come, but the eyes that looked with her for a moment betrayed a certain softness, maybe even a bit of regret. It was gone as soon as she saw it though and he let her go, shoving her back a bit.

He bent down and picked up a toolbox of some sort before talking towards the workbench across from her. He dropped something onto the table beside Rook, who was now awake and obviously a little in shock at their situation.

John walked like he had an audience, his movements emphasized and drawn out. It worked to his advantage, all three of his captives watched intently. He stood still for a few seconds, Sarah wasn’t sure why. Hudson had stopped watching him and instead looked down submissively at the floor. He finally pivoted towards Rook and started to speak.

“My parents were the first ones to teach me about the Power of Yes.” He drew the last word out, there was a ghost of a smirk on his lips. “One night, they took me into the kitchen, and they threw me on the ground,” He wasn’t looked at Rook anymore, he had his back to her and was stapling something that looked like skin to his bench, “And I experienced pain after pain after paid—“

His stapler slammed onto the bench, everyone in the room jumped. For the first time, Sarah felt genuine fear when she looked at him. Before it had only been momentary panic or a sense of unease, but now, rage and cruelty lacing his voice and actions, she could barely breathe. She felt like a cornered rabbit staring down a hungry cougar, her instincts screaming at her to run but her body trapped against her chair.

“And when I didn’t think I could take anymore, I did.” His eyes darted to Sarah for a second as he walked towards Rook. “Something broke free inside. I wasn’t scared. I was… clear.” Sarah watched his every moment, partly out of fear and partly out of some sick fascination. He sounded so at peace, and somewhat cocky, as he continued. “I looked up at them and I started to laugh. All I could say was… Yes.” Again he drew the word out and Sarah finally understood what Nick had meant when he said John Seed probably had a ‘yes’ kink.

Sarah kicked against her bounds and John looked at her sharply before continuing his little speech. Sarah had stopped listening, she tried to block him out and looked around the room, searching for some way out.

“Giving takes courage. The courage…” He stepped away from Rook and walked back towards his bench. He held eye contact with Sarah as he continued. “To own your sin. To etch it on to your flesh and carry its burden,” He turned his palms up in some guise of holiness and directed his attention back to Rook. “And when you have endured— when you have truly begun to atone— to cut it out like a cancer and display it for all to see. My god that’s courage.”The image brought bile to her throat. He grabbed a screwdriver and stalked towards Sarah. There was a purr in his voice as he stalked towards her. “I’m going to teach you courage. Teach you how to say ‘yes’ so you can confront your weaknesses.” There was a manic excitement in him and he turned back around, his focus darting all over the place as he continued his rant and he voice got louder and louder. “Confront your sin. You will swim across an ocean of pain and emerge… free. For only then can you truly begin to atone.”

He stopped in front of his bench and leaned back against it, screwdriver held like a weapon. His arm tattoos were on display, the sleeves of his shirt rolled up. “So. Who wants to go first? Hm?”

Rook and Sarah looked eyes, Hudson refused to look at anyone but the wall behind Sarah. No one said anything and John’s anger bubbled. “Which one? Hm?” Nothing. “This is lesson number one.” Hudson whimpered and struggled against her bonds, Sarah didn’t break eye contact with Rook. “Someone’s got to choose.” His voice was strangled, drawing Sarah’s attention. He looked at her with a mix of violence and what might even be fear. She said nothing, just watched him.

John’s patience broke and he turned around faster than Sarah had expected and threw the bench backward. “For fuck's sake we’ll start with you!” He practically screamed and walked menacingly towards Rook. He sounded so happy and at peace before he grabbed Hudson. He pushed her towards the door behind rook, she let out terrified shrieks as he told Rook about what he was going to do to her.

All Sarah could do was watch helplessly, her blood cold with terror. Someone came into the room and took Hudson’s chair out the room while she kicked at her bindings and screamed. “We can’t forget about our other deputy.” John pivoted and grabbed her chair, pushing her in front of him towards the door out. “I’ll be right back.” He told the Rook as he passed, he was practically squatting as he pushed her chair.

John didn’t say anything for a few minutes and Sarah didn’t bother struggling. Hudson’s faint cries could be heard carrying down the hallway until the eventually stopped and the only sound left was air hissing through vents above.

Sarah let her eyes wander, taking in the halls that John pushed her down, as she tried to sort out her thoughts. She was terrified, that was a given, but a small part of her deep, deep down knew that she’d be fine, she’d make it out of this relatively fine. Above the pain, she felt anger, anger at the cult and John. Not sure because he was planning to torture her, but also because he’d kidnapped her. Barely three days ago he’d promise he wouldn’t force her into confession and yet here she was. She shouldn’t have trusted him, she was an idiot.

“I’m… they weren’t supposed to take you.” John finally broke the silence when he’d pushed her into a room and closed the door behind them. He pulled the tape from her mouth and Sarah squeezed her eyes shut as is pulled at her skin. “I meant what I said last time.”

“Fuck off,” Sarah swore, struggling uselessly at her restraints for a few seconds. Her hair was in front of one eye and he moved his hand to brush it away. She flinched back like she’d been attacked. “Don’t fucking touch me.” She practically spat, struggling again and her chair moved back away from him, she felt a small bit of triumph.

John looked a little hurt and pretty offended, but his anger quickly came up to mask it. He clenched his fist and kicked her chair away, it spun and banged against the wall. She had to physically spin herself back around to face him. “I’m trying,” He was practically seething, “to help you.”

“Help me?! You said this was my decision! You said I didn’t have to atone until I was ready!” Her voice rose with every word and she glared daggers at the man who she’d only days ago shared pleasant conversation.

“I know what I said.” He snapped and pulled the sunglasses off his head to run a hand through his hair, it left it looking disheveled. “There’s nothing I can do about it now.”

“Nothing you can do? You can let me go you asshole.” She wished she wasn’t tied up right now so she could punch his stupid, beautiful face.

John looked at her with almost sad eyes and pulled her chair close again. He crouched in front of her and rubbed her wrist with his thumb. “I can’t, word has already spread that I both deputies. If I let you go, Joseph would know and he…” He trailed off and Sarah felt the fight in her die. 

John looked absolutely terrified at the mention of Joseph. She remembered a conversation she’d had with Rook about the first time John had grabbed her. She’d mentioned that when Joseph had shown up John had looked about ready to piss himself. Sarah’s heart broke for him, his life had been shit enough without Joseph adding to that.

“John?” Her voice was soft, almost maternal, and she wished she wasn’t bound so she could comfort him in some way. He looked up at her with what seemed like disbelief, why would she suddenly be nice to him? Sarah wasn’t sure why, but she leaned forward as far as she could and bumped his forehead with hers. “John?” He didn’t say anything, just pressed against her and just breathed for a few minutes.

Sirens shattered the silence and John shot away from her like he’d been burned. He looked wildly between her and the door before bolting out, radio in hand.

“The deputy escaped.” A voice crackled through the window and carried through the partially open door into Sarah’s room.

“Which one?” John’s voice was frantic and furious.

“Not Hudson.”

“Dammit! Find her!” John’s stomping footsteps carried down the hall and Sarah looked around for something to help her get out. She resorted to pushing herself slowly towards the door, it was a tiring process but soon she was at the gap. Except it wasn’t open far enough for her to get through and she couldn’t shove it open like that, the thing was fucking heavy.

Familiar panting hit her ears and Sarah breathed a sigh of relief. “Rookie? Tessa?” She called out the gap and soon her savior stood in front of her and shoved the door open. “Took you long enough.” Sarah quipped half-heartedly as Rook cut her restraints.

“Sorry, I fell down some stairs.”

“Why?”

Rook gave her a deadpan look. “It seemed like something fun to do before leaving the torture bunker.” Sarah hummed in mock understanding and rubbed her wrists. “Did you see where Hudson went?”

“Nope.” Sarah shook her head and Rook swore. She handed Sarah her knife and the two went out into the corridor, running towards hopefully an exit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for taking the time to read these. It makes me real fucking happy, you don't even know.
> 
> I know I've left various plot holes around the place in the last few chapters but I promise they'll be dealt with in due time. 7 will pick up right where this left off, I have part of it written out right now. It was going to be finished up here but I decided to make it into two chapters instead of one extra long one.
> 
> I'm on tumblr at @deputy-sarah-sucks and @maximoffeffort (my main) so hit me up. I will very happily answer any questions about my favorite dumbass deputy. I'm also always down to thirst over the Seeds with yall or talk about how much I love Staci Pratt (I promise I haven't forgotten about him, he'll show up eventually I swear).


	7. Chapter 7

The room they walked into had been made into some sort of living space, there were bunk beds and a fire going on one side of the wall. A few cultists walked around inside, guns in hand and no doubt ready to kill anything that so much as moved too fast. Sarah went right while Rook took the left, both sticking to the shadows.

From her vantage point, Sarah could get access to two of the cultists, both conveniently had their backs to her. She’d have to be quiet so she didn’t alert anyone, but, God willing, she should be able to take the pair out with little complications.

She slipped out from the shadows and clamped a hand around the closest cultist’s mouth, a woman with greasy red hair. Sarah wrapped her free arm around the woman’s neck and squeezed as hard as possible until she heard a popping of bone and the woman went limp. Sarah pulled her back into the shadows and left her slumped against the wall before she moved to the next.

Rook had taken out two of the three closest to her, the last would be a piece of cake, the man was practically asleep. Sarah darted from her cover and grabbed the second cultist, he was stronger than her and quickly got free of the hand clamped over his mouth. He took a breath to scream and in the same instant, Sarah drove her knife through his throat. He frantically grabbed at his throat as Sarah pulled the blade out, letting him collapse to the ground as he desperately tried to stop the bleeding. Without looking back, Sarah jogged to catch up with Rook who’d already left.

The other woman froze wide-eyed for a moment, looking Sarah up and down, before shaking her head as if to refocus herself and trekking further on. Sarah looked down at herself and felt a little nauseous at the state of her clothes, her hands and shirt were covered in the Peggie’s blood and she could feel some on her face.

She kept pace behind Rook as they searched for both an exit and for Hudson. Rook turned the corner ahead and a pair of hands wrapped around Sarah, yanking her into a storage room. She kicked outward, hands scrambling to find a hold on something. The hand on her mouth kept her from screaming.

Suddenly she was swung around and thrown to the back of the room, her side smacking painfully into the metal wall. She yelped at the sudden pain of the collision and glared towards her captor. Thomas stood by the door matching her glaring perfectly.

“What the fuck?” Sarah ran a hand over her face and pushed herself up, she kept her back against the wall and looked around as subtly as possible for an exit.

“John told me to find you.” For the first time, Sarah saw some emotion in him that wasn’t just annoyance. There was concern in his voice and some genuine anger showing on his face.

“Tell John to fuck off, I’m leaving with Rook.”

Thomas’s anger faltered and his flicked down, his body language flustered. When he finally looked back up at her, sympathy was lacing his voice. “Sarah.”

Panic swelled and Sarah took rapid steps forward until she stood in front of him. “Thomas, what is he going to do to her?” No answer, he looked past her now to the wall behind her. “Dammit Thomas answer me.” She hit her chest and grabbed the collar of her jacket, forcing him down to her height.

“He’s not… he brought in Faith’s angels. She’ll be lucky to get out alive.” Sarah hadn’t personally seen any of the so-called ‘angels’ of the Project, but what she’d heard of them was incredibly violent.

John’s voice carried through the intercom as he spoke to Rook, she must have found him and Hudson. Sarah tuned him out, she had to focus on getting out of here and away from Thomas.

“Thomas, please let me go.”

He at least looked somewhat guilty. “I can’t Sarah, John ordered me to keep you safe until this is all over. I can’t defy him.”

“I’m sorry about this then.” Thomas looked at her in confusion as her right fist collided with the side of his head, disorienting him.

John was still walking, taunting really, he had Hudson still and he wanted Rook to know there was nothing she could do to get her back. Sarah ran down the corridor and prayed to whatever god was listening that she found her partner before it was too late.

She skidded around a corner and collided with a Peggie. Immediately he grabbed her and started shouting, sirens began blaring and bliss flooded the bunker through the air vents. The Peggie’s grip loosened and Sarah scrambled away. With the world spinning and the air sparkling, Sarah swiftly pulled the knife from her belt and ran it along the man’s neck.

Green was quickly smothered by red as blood sprayed out from the man’s severed artery. Sarah sputtered and took a step back, spitting out what had gotten in her mouth. The man tried to scream as he sunk to the ground, but all that came out was a gurgled rasping from severed vocal cords.

Everything was spinning, ground rolling along with Sarah’s stomach as she stared down at what she’d just done. Her breathing coming in short stuttered gasps, she ran in the direction of gunshots that rang out through the bunker.

Someone above all the noise called out her name and John’s face swirled into view in front of her. He looked mad for a second, Sarah smiled at him, her mind fogged by the bliss and getting worse. He stopped in front of her and looked in horror. She must look pretty bad if even John looked like was about to puke.

“Where’s Thomas? What did you do?” He grabbed her arms and shook her, there was panic on the edge of his voice.

Sarah shrugged, her words slurred, “’s fine, not him though.” She pointed down the hall where the dead Peggie was slumped on the ground.

“Fuck, okay well let’s get you somewhere safe.” John let go of her arms, one hand slipping down to her’s to rub circles on her pulse point.

“No.” Sarah jerked her hand away from him and pulled the blade from her belt, pushing it against his throat until he was backed up against a wall. John raised his hands in surrender, he looked genuinely hurt. “I fucking going.”

“You’ll get killed.”

“I’m going after her. I’m not staying to be your plaything.” She spat and pushed the blade harder against his skin until a small trickle of blood came out. “Leave me the fuck alone, John.”

Sarah took a step back and when John didn’t move she took off down the hall again. She couldn’t stay to see the betrayed look on his face if she did she knew she’d stay. That wasn’t an option, she had to get back to Rook.

Someone was screaming and a bald woman came into view. Bliss seemed to radiate off of her and Sarah quickly realized she was the one screaming as she ran towards the stairs. Rook was half way up firing her pistol at a couple more of the bald cultists, they must be the angels Thomas had told her about.

“Tessa!” Sarah shouted after her, grabbing a pistol off a dead Peggie as she ran to the stairs. The angels came in overwhelming waves as they fought their way up the stairs, John’s voice rang out through the speakers, filled with rage. He wasn’t just talking about Rook anymore as he shouted for his followers to the take them both down.

Outside his voice still poured out of the speakers, there were more angels and the pair fought to get to a hole in the fence, an escape.

“Your sin consumes you, blinds you to all the harm you inflict. It allows you to dispense of human life so… easily” Sarah tried to block him out but it was damn near impossible when the words were giving life to doubts she already had about herself. “Have you ever given so much as a second thought to killing?” Another Peggie went down, his brains splattered on a crate behind him and looked down at her blood covered hands in horror.

“Drive the sinner from this place! Let them run! Let them hide! For no matter where they go, God will guide us to them!” It was a promise and a threat all at once. His screaming words followed her as she ran behind Rook, dodging trees and jumping over rocks as they appeared in her path.

She was close to keeling over by the time they stopped running, they had to be at least a mile or two away. Sarah dropped to the ground as she tried to catch her breath, numbly aware of Dutch talking over the radio.

“Been trying to reach you, heard John nabbed you and I feared the worst…”

“We’re okay, we made it out but he still has Hudson.” Rook answered, she was out of breath as well but keeping it relatively in check as she spoke to Dutch.

“We? Oh, that other deputy woman? Didn’t realize he’d grabbed her too, didn’t think he’d have any reason to. Jerome told me you’d been out with her when you got grabbed, said they were praying for you in the church. Anyways I’m glad _you_ made it out, alive…” Everything the followed Sarah tuned out as the gravity of the situation caught up with her and the world spun.

She’d known for a while that her life didn’t matter here. Since all this happened the world had made it quite clear that her job in this holy war was to be in Rook shadow, to keep her safe and die if she had to. But the fact that everyone had been only concerned about Rook’s safety broke her heart. Sure, she knew Nick and Kim had probably been worried but had anyone else.

Rook was their savior, their best weapon against the cult. Sarah was no one, just a deputy who’d somehow escaped capture long enough to help a bit. She could help everyone in this damned place, but in the end, it would still be Rook who they celebrated, it would always be her. Sarah didn’t want the attention, far from it, but it’d still be nice for at least one person to thank her and mean it.

Yet even though Rook had become this symbol of the Resistance, Sarah still looked at her and saw that scared probie from that night at the compound, the first time Sarah had really acknowledged her existence. It hurt a bit more to see someone who hadn’t even been there for a week when this all started to have been placed on a pedestal. Sarah had been here for nearly two years and no one seemed to give a shit.

Rook finished up her conversation with Dutch as Sarah stood up, pushing down her own feelings so that she could focus on what they would do next.

“Dutch thinks that maybe we should go to one of the other regions, wait until John calms down a bit before coming back.” Rook informed her and Sarah nodded in agreement, that seemed like the smartest move after what had just gone down.

“We could try the Whitetails. I really don’t want to deal more bliss today.” Sarah tried to be humorous, but the blood covering her entire top half and the limp in her walk made that difficult.

“Sounds solid.”

 

They had walked until they found a car, Rook had taken the driver's seat when Sarah curled up in the backseat, her gun on the floor within reach if she needed it. She was still covered in blood though it had dried mostly now, leaving her slightly itchy. Rook had offered to stop so she could clean off before left but Sarah was too exhausted to care enough.

The drive took longer than expected, Rook actually stuck to traffic laws somewhat. At some point Sarah drifted off, only waking up momentarily whenever the car stopped so Rook could talk to a civilian.

Her sleep was dreamless but filled with overwhelming panic and stress that she finally woke herself up from clenching her jaw so hard. By the time she woke up and saw the clock, it’d been nearly an hour since they set out.

“Where are we going exactly?” She asked, she’d been a little out of it when they got in the car. Admittedly she was still a little out of it, she barely slept nowadays and the stress of this who situation was really starting to hit her.

“Fang Center. Someone named Wade said the cult is after Cheeseburger. That’s that bear everyone like right?” 

Sarah nodded then remembered her companion couldn’t see her, “Yeah, I’ve seen him once before. I’ve seen bears before when I was growing up so I haven’t cared much to go back and see him. The San Francisco zoo had enough to sate my curiosity.”

“You’re from SF?”

“Hmm?” Sarah hadn’t actually realized she’d mentioned the city, she hadn’t told many people where she was from originally. No one really ever asked. “Um yeah, mom was a lawyer, dad was a doctor. I had a big brother, he went from the army to the private sector and died of an overdose the year before I came here. I haven’t talked to my parents much since I left.”

“Jeez, that sucks. Sorry about your brother.”

“I got over it, we were never all that close. I miss him but there’s nothing I can do to change the past.” She shrugged and looked out the window at the trees passing. “What about you? Where’d you grow up?”

“Originally Seattle, but my parents moved as around a lot, I’m an army brat.”

“Why’d you apply to come here?”

“I didn’t, my old precinct shut down and they transferred me here. I didn’t want it, but I was fresh out of the academy so I didn’t have much of a choice. I was in one of the slightly more developed areas, we had actual precincts and traffic lights and shit. And no doomsday cults trying to kill me every two minutes.” While Rook talked, Sarah pulled herself between the two front seats and plopped down in the passenger’s.

“Sounds nice.” Sarah laughed and she was glad when Rook did as well.

“God it was.” They fell into a comfortable silence after that, the only noise in the car was the region’s cult music. It was the same songs as in John’s region, but the choir was gone, something Sarah was secretly grateful for. She loved the choir versions to, but the versions for Jacob’s region were more fun.

 

Clearing the Fang Center had been no easy feat. The cultists had put up a damn good fight, Sarah had nearly gotten killed multiple times and in the end, Cheeseburger wasn’t even there. The local resistance members piled into the center quickly after they gave the all clear, Sarah kept her bitterness at their unhelpfulness in check.

She was poking around the gift shop when the Peggie radios scattered around camp all sprung to life.

“There is someone out there, pretending to be a soldier.” She’d never heard the voice before but she could guess it was Jacob. “They are killing our brothers and sisters and putting the Project in jeopardy. I want this coward to know that they have my attention… my hunters are coming you. There’s nowhere you can run.”

As menacing as he sounded, Sarah wasn’t all that fazed. It was late and after everything she’d gone through in the past day, maybe two she wasn’t actually sure how long had passed since John grabbed them, she didn’t anything could scare her at this point. She was too tired to get scared.

She stepped out into the night air, ignoring the horrified looks the people outside gave her at her appearance and started to walk towards the car. An arrow flew from the darkness between the trees and impaled itself in her thigh. She let out a scream and could hear the people behind her running for cover and shouting about finding the rook, they had to protect the rook. In their eyes, she was a lost cause who didn’t matter much from the start.

Sarah clutched at her leg, moaning in pain, and looked up at the hunter who approached her. She knew she should be pissed off, try to fight back somehow, but whatever was on the arrow was acting fast and she gave in to the heavy feeling of nothing as sleep enveloped her.

 

Days seemed to pass, a song Sarah couldn’t quite remember played in her dreams. She was vaguely aware that she was being force-fed in her drugged up state. The world came in barely sober flashes, a chair, a wall, a wolf. Her clothes were changed a few times, she was stuck to the chair without a bathroom. She was too high to even attempt to be embarrassed. Someone washed her, she remembered ice cold water and whimpering, only to get smacked into a subdued silence.

Red hair and camouflage appeared every so often. Menacing words that Sarah couldn’t remember the second after they were spoken reached out to caress her with the promise of violence and purpose.

She wasn’t sure how long she’d been there when she had finally sobered up enough to, now aware of the restraints tightening around her wrists. Staci was in front of her, he looked broken. She tried to reach out to comfort him but the restraints held her arms in place.

“You shouldn’t have come for me. You should have run.” She looked at him in dazed confusion, what was he talking about? Why wouldn’t Sarah have come for him? He’d been her closest friend at work and someone she genuinely trusted outside of it as well. He was acting as if she had had a choice in the matter which was bullshit, she’d always come for him.

Another voice, the same one from the radio, started talking when Staci had moved. Jacob seed started his monologuing as the slides switched, Sarah just watched as he walked in front of the slides to the front of the room, his back turned to them. Staci took his place in the front of the room, his stance was almost soldier-like.

Jacob turned around and started walking towards the back of the room again. He paused in front of the two other people in the room, looking at them directly as he spoke. Sarah felt surprisingly calm as he continued.

He finally made it to her chair and leaned down, his hands coming down on the arms of her chair and covering her own in an almost painful grip. “No, the Collapse is upon us, and this time the lives of the few outweigh the lives of the many.” Sarah felt a chill run up her spine and he dragged her chair closer. “And when a nation that’s never known hunger or desperation descends into madness, we’ll be ready.”

Sarah watched his every movement as he stepped away and picked up some kind of music box. “We will cull the herd. We will do what needs to be done.” Each word was punctuated with a twist of the music box, his eyes never leaving hers. “Your Rook did well, I hope you don’t disappoint me.”

He opened the box and music filled the air. Sarah instantly sobered and started thrashing against the restraints, a primal terror that she didn’t understand screaming at her to run. Her vision went red as the song played on, she tried to shut her eyes against it.

She opened her eyes to red and realized her restraints we no longer secure. A gun sat on the table in front of her and with Jacob’s words in her ear she grabbed with without thinking and killed the people in front of her.

“Excellent.” His encouragement drove her forward to the next room, the next gun. With each room she took cleared, he voiced his pleasure.

A clock ticking down, she grabbed the next gun. It was a set of hallways. One, two, three. She picked up the next gun, a courtyard. One, two, three, four, five.

“Well done.” She pushed forward, stairs. One, two, three. “Yes, sacrifice the weak.” His voice was so close, egging her on. There was a steep slope, without hesitation she jumped down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to take some liberties with the time it takes to get around Hope County. The whole five minutes it takes me to drive from John's bunker to the Fang Center seemed unrealistic.
> 
> I'm considering writing a small side story to explain Thomas's backstory and how he ended up joining the cult. Let me know if that's something you'd be interested in.


	8. Chapter 8

The music never seemed to stop, even when it did Sarah could still hear it. She wasn’t sure how much time had passed since this started. Before, when she’d been drugged, she’d thought it was days, but now that she was locked in a room with boarded-up windows she had no clue. She couldn’t tell if days passed or just minutes.

She was aware of the fact that she’d been walking around, she couldn’t remember leaving her chair, but her shoes were muddy and her body didn’t hurt like it’d been stuck sitting for days on end. There were bruises decorating her skin, fresh cuts and bullet grazings decorating what was left. She was too exhausted to question why.

Someone kept cleaning her new wounds, she’d wake up to the hissing pain of antiseptics and soft touches, but the music playing softly kept her from recognizing who. The kind words that were too muffled to understand sounded kind of like Staci.

She groaned as the door to the room slammed open, her head ached from the constant in and out of consciousness. She opened her eyes and finally realized that she wasn’t sitting up anymore. Somehow she’d ended up out of her chair and on the floor. When the hell had that happened.

Voices barked at each other and the music, which had been quietly playing in through the speakers in the room, shut off. Sarah caught herself missing it.

Muddied boots made a few circles around the room, Sarah simply watched, not making any more to show she was alive, she didn’t think she had enough energy to move.

“We’ve got the deputy.” A voice shouted and Sarah could have smiled if she wasn’t so tired. They’d figured out she was alive, she was gonna be okay. But then the shoes were running out of the room, footsteps disappearing. “We’ve gotta get her to the Wolf’s Den, let’s go.”

“Were there any of survivors?” Sarah groaned softly, her mouth opening to say ‘I’m here’ but no sounds coming out.

“No.”

Hopelessness washed over Sarah where she lay on the floor among stinking corpses. The last of the footsteps faded and she was left alone. She really wished the music was back, at least then she would hear something other than the flies buzzing around the dead and the building creaking ominously.

 

The hallway was dark, no lights had been turned on and the windows revealed how late it was. Sarah had begun the exhausting task of dragging herself from the room. She could stand, logically she knew she could, but when she tried her body just dropped her back down. It was nicer on the floor anyways, she could sleep when she got tired and then continue pulling herself forward when she woke up.

The corpses were a sickening obstacle she had soon discovered, there was older rotting ones that she was forced to climb over or shove aside and fresher cultists with arrows sticking out of their chests and heads. Sarah had already thrown up the little that was left in her stomach, the nausea was now just an empty threat.

A noise reached her ears and she looked down the hall, a bit of hope flared in her chest before she could squash it down. A door creaked open and Sarah began dragging herself down the hall as fast as she could manage. If it was someone, not just the wind, they could get her help.

Sarah sighed in relief when she finally reached the end of the hall and saw the silhouette illuminated by the pale moonlight outside.

“Check for any survivors, Peaches.” The voice and oh so familiar, Sarah found herself scrambling to pull herself towards it. One word came to mind: safe.

“Yes, sir.” Staci appeared from behind the man with a flashlight and disappeared down a different hallway.

The man slowly circled the room and Sarah realized he couldn’t see her. In desperation, she started knocking on the floor, she was too tired to call out. At the sound, his head jerked in her direction and he carefully approached.

A flashlight turned on and shone in her face, Sarah ducked down to shield her eyes from the sudden assault. A thoughtful hum vibrated out of the man’s chest. 

“Good job, pup.” He said and Sarah couldn’t stop herself from moaning at the praise. He chuckled and bent down, grabbing her and hauling her to her feet with no effort like she was made of feathers. “You’re strong.” 

Sarah sighed happily and clutched at his arm for support as he lead her out of the building. She was picked up and put into the backseat of a truck, the seatbelt tightly secured and her exhaustion caught up with her again.

“You can rest now, deputy. You did good.” A calloused hand cradled her head and she leaned into it with a content smile before letting sleep begin to consume her. She was safe here.

 

It’d been three days since Jacob had found her in the Grand View Hotel, she’d spent of most of that time asleep. Apparently, she’d been there for almost two days before Jacob found her, it hadn’t felt that long, it had seemed like only a few hours. She’d woken up that morning in clean sweats and a t-shirt that was three sizes too big and for the first time in probably weeks, she wasn’t drugged to high hell.

She hadn’t had much time to get her bearings before a young woman, maybe 18 but no older, came in and forced her up. Sarah was ready for a fight but the cultist just smiled and lead her to the other side of the room where there was another change of clothes, these ones more suited for working out.

“Welcome to the VA Center. Change, when you’re done I will take you to Jacob.” The woman let go of her arm and want to stand by the door.

Sarah slowly stripped down feeling all sorts of uncomfortable in this situation. Sure, she’d changed in front of people before, but there were always others changing and no one was staring at her as intently as the woman at the door. Sarah turned her back to her and pulled on the sports bra that had been left there.

She was lead out of the room once she’d finished dressing, the woman guided her out of the room and down the cold hallways of the building they were in. Every hundred paces there was an armed guard, all staring straight ahead. Sarah bit her tongue to keep from asking her guide questions, the atmosphere screamed for absolute silence and obedience.

Outside, people walked back and forth between truck and cages, some carrying crates while others carried bows or rifles. While Sarah was adjusting to the brightness, someone took the woman’s place with a quiet exchange of words.

It was Staci grabbed her arm and pulled her out of her own head, leading her forward. He didn’t look at her, eyes straight ahead and posture rigid.

“Staci, you’re okay? Did he do anything to you?” Sarah worried, earning her a hard glare.

“I’m fine.” He hissed then paused before continuing. “Why are you here? Why did you let him know you were alive?”

“I don’t know, I just wanted to survive. I was pretty out of it.”

“You’re an idiot. You’d’ve been better off dead.”

“If I’m dead who will come rescue you?” Staci grabbed her arm and dragged her behind a pile of crates where they couldn’t be seen, the grip on her arm hard enough to leave bruises. “Staci, what the fuck?”

“Don’t fucking rescue me.” He practically snarled, shoving her back against the wall of crates. “Don’t fucking die for me, Sarah. Leave, if you get the chance run. Stop trying to save people, find an abandoned bunker and don’t leave. If you keep going, you’re gonna die.”

“Staci I can’t—“

“Don’t give me that bullshit. No one cares about you, they only care about Rook now. You’re gonna die saving them and no one is gonna give a shit. You don’t need to save everyone. Be selfish for once Sarah, be strong, let the weak die.”

Sarah stared at him in shock, unable to find words. Staci took that as their cue to leave and dragged her out from behind the boxes and in the direction of where Jacob was probably waiting.

His words stuck in her head, this wasn’t the same Staci she’d made paper planes with and thrown at Hudson. He wasn’t the same man she’d blacked out with at last year’s Testy Festy. He still knew her though, he knew how to get under her skin. He knew exactly how to plant the seed of doubt and it was working.

It was true, no one would care when she died. She would die alone, Kim and Nick might mourn her, Sharky too. But in the end, no one would care. Rook was their savior, she was just someone along for the ride.

Jacob was standing with his back to them, his arms crossed as he gave orders to a pair of hunters. The two nodded then scurried off, casting curious looks in Sarah’s direction. Jacob turned and looked at her with cold eyes and Sarah did her best not to flinch under the scrutiny. He studied her and she stayed silent, fidgeting slightly after a few minutes of nothing.

“Leave.” He ordered and Staci quickly disappeared from her side, Jacob’s eyes never left hers. “On me, pup.”

Sarah obeyed, keeping pace behind him as he walked out to a training course. He didn’t say anything and shoved her forward. She didn’t hesitate and started running the course, she hadn’t survived that death trap to just get murdered for not following orders.

The course shouldn’t be difficult, she’d done harder ones in the academy. Yet she struggled to finish, falling down part way through and getting a disappointed sigh from Jacob.

“Again.” She started over, making it a bit further this time before tripping on her own feet. “Disappointing.” Another run, another failure. “Try harder.”

 

Everything hurt, Jacob had had Sarah switching between running the training course and running laps with his hunters for days. At first, she’d genuinely thought she was going to die, she hadn’t worked out this much this constantly since she’d first joined the force. But she quickly fell into a rhythm: awake by 6, at the track at 7, training course at 12, the track again at 5, asleep by 11, up again at 6.

She was secretly grateful for the routine, it kept her from worrying about whether or not Rook was still alive or considering her own insignificance in the grand scheme of things.

She slept in a guarded room, she ate with the other hunters. Only three people ever talked to her: Staci in passing, the woman she’d met when she first woke up whose name she’d learned was Mercy, and a hunter who constantly followed her, though he only whispered threats and gave orders.

She didn’t always see Jacob during the day, sometime she’d see him out of the corner of her eye, but when she’d turn to look he was gone and she got smacked for not paying attention. The song from Grand View was always playing quietly over the speakers by the entrance, she wasn’t allowed to go over there and even if she tried she couldn’t without blacking out. Jacob had shown her that her first night, he’d dragged her to the entrance with a steel grip and Only You had enveloped her, she’d woken up in the mud on the other side of camp hours later.

It was 10 pm, her guard had taken his leave and been replaced with Mercy. She ate from 9 to 10 and then had an hour to herself. Usually, she just went to sleep, but tonight Mercy had decided to take her for a walk around the center. Sarah was in no position to reject the request and even if she could, she secretly enjoyed the young woman’s company.

It was nice out, crickets chirping and fireflies darting back and forth around the courtyard. There was a quiet murmur of voices as people settled down for the night. Mercy hooked her arm through Sarah’s as they walked, it was weird but not entirely unpleasant. Aside from John, Mercy was the first Peggie to not treat her like the enemy for not being a member of the Project. They never spoke much, but just having the company was nice.

The peaceful atmosphere was quickly interrupted however by a car skidding to a stop at the entrance. Sarah stopped to stare but Mercy kept walking after a quick glance and a shrug, it must happen a lot. The car was let through the gate, gravel crunching under the tires, and a hunter darted inside, presumably to tell Jacob.

Sarah didn’t pay it any mind after that, Mercy pointed out a constellation and the pair stopped to admire it or a second. Sarah could almost forget the exhaustion she felt from the constant training. The peace was short-lived, however, as the loud slam of a car down cracked through the night and shouting filled the air.

“Where is she?” A man shouted and Sarah stiffened, the voice could only belong to one person and last time she’d seen him she’d threatened to kill him. “Where the fuck is she?”

Sarah ducked her head and started to walk further away from the scene to one of the other doors into the center. She pulled the collar of her jacket up to hopefully conceal her identity, she really didn’t want to deal with this.

“Sarah!” John’s furious voice met her ears and she heard gravel crunching under the angry stomp of his walk. She picked up the pace and soon he was at a full sprint. His hand grabbed her arm and yanked her painfully backward, letting her fall to the ground. Pain shot up her arm as rocks embedded themselves in her skin.

“John? What are you doing here?” John yanked Sarah up, her arm pulling painfully in its socket, and he glared at Jacob as he got closer.

“I’m taking her back with me.” Sarah elbowed him in the side and took the brief loosening of his grip to pull away and just back from him.

“Why?” Jacob’s voice was almost conversational. Sarah didn’t dare speak, this wasn’t a discussion she had a say in.

“She needs to atone.” John lunged for her again, but Sarah danced back from his hands. “You will atone.”

“John,” Jacob sounded almost irritated, “Calm down.”

“Calm down? Calm down? Look what she did to me.” He pulled his collar down to reveal the cut across his neck, it was healing well and the scar would be minimal if it was even visible. Sarah stifled the urge to call him out on his dramatics.

“That’s barely a scratch.” Jacob deadpanned and Sarah couldn’t hold back a snicker. Two sets of eyes glared at her and she immediately looked down at the floor, she didn’t need to piss off another Seed brother.

“She tried to kill me.”

“No, I didn’t.” Sarah blurted out, glaring at the dramatic idiot.

“Then what do you call this?” He was still freaking out about the cut, Lord he was insufferable.

“A warning.”

“Enough. Both of you.” Jacob silenced them, pinching the bridge of his nose. It was like dealing with children all over again. “You’re not taking her John. You’ll just kill her. I didn’t put three weeks into training her for the trials just for you to throw that away.”

“I had her first.” John sounded almost like a whining child, Jacob looked like he wanted to strangle him.

“And I don’t care. I’m not letting you kill one of my soldiers.” He barked before rounding on Sarah. “If you step out of line I will send you straight back to Holland Valley and when John’s done with you, if there’s anything left, I’ll feed you to my judges.”

Sarah stared wide-eyed at the oldest Seed and visibly gulped, nodding furiously and looking back down. She hadn’t truly understood how terrifying he could be until this moment. “Yes, sir.”

“Mercy, take her back to her room.” A hand on her back guided her away from the brothers and she didn’t dare look back.

 

Staci violently shaking her shoulders was what woke her up. She had barely opened her eyes when he was helping her stand up.

“You’ve gotta go, Sarah.” He was frantic, pushing her out of the room and down the hall.

“What? Why? What about Jacob?”

“He’s inspecting a new batch of potential judges, you have to go now before he gets back.”

“I can’t leave, the song.”

“There’s a spot in the back where you can scale the wall but you have to go now. As long as you don’t go near the front entrance you’ll be fine.” He pushed a radio into her hand so she could get in contact with Rook and then opened the door to the outside.

Sarah squeezed Staci’s hand in a silent promise to return then ran towards the back wall. She stayed as low as she could, grateful that tonight clouds had decided to cover the moon, masking her escape attempt.

The wall was higher than expected, though Staci was right that it could be scaled. Sarah shifted her weight from side to side, anxiously waiting for someone to start shouting about her escape. However, after nearly five minutes of silence and her anxiety building, she decided maybe she actually was in the clear.

Scaling the wall wasn’t particularly easy, her height helped but even standing at 5’10” she still had a good foot and a half to jump for. After a few tries, her fingers finally found a hold and she pulled herself up and over. She landed on the ground below with a pained grunt as the force jarred her knees.

“Going somewhere?” Sarah jumped and looked around for Jacob but found he was nowhere in sight. Instead, she realized, the voice was pouring through the speakers of the radio Staci had given her. “I’ll let you run, for now. My hunters will come for you when it’s time.” There was no taunting in his voice, threatening yes, but the threat wasn't immediate.

A pair of judges howled, the sound so close it sent Sarah running in panic. But the bone-chilling sounds soon grew more distant as the feral creatures ran in the opposite direction. The night stilled into silence apart from her own breathing.

An overwhelming sense of danger filled her lungs and made it impossible to breathe For the first time in weeks she didn’t feel safe anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took so long to get out, with finals next week it's been a bit more hectic than usual.


	9. Chapter 9

Inside the VA Center, the world outside and seemed to stop moving, it was just the training course and cruel words of encouragement. It wasn’t until she was gone that she was hit full force with the fact that the world had indeed kept spinning.

She’d hiked through the forest for nearly three hours when she finally found a car. It had started, miraculously, but one look at the gas tank meter told her that it wouldn’t run for long. Still, she would take what she could get, if she could get to the ranger station she could get a better car and call for Rook.

She’d broken the radio Staci gave her when she tripped nearly an hour back on an exposed tree root she didn’t see. She’d landed awkwardly on one knee and scratched up her hands forcing her to walk the rest of the way with a slight limp.

The drive to the ranger station was thankfully uneventful, she listened to Peggie radio, humming along as she drove. She pulled into the gas station across from the outpost and climbed out, staying low when she saw the cultists walking around outside of it.

A dead man dressed in camo was slumped against the wall of the gas station, Sarah scrunched up her nose at the smell and searched his body. She had no weapons or ammo, if she was going to get into the ranger station she’d need to take out the Peggies surrounding it. She found a box of pistol ammo and a pair of binoculars but no gun, disappointing but at least it was something.

Around the back of the small cement building, Sarah found a ladder to the roof. She climbed to the roof with the thought that maybe she could use the binoculars to figure out where everyone was and hoped she could find a way to slip in and out without getting caught.

Instead, she found another corpse in camo clutching a sniper rifle against its chest. She grabbed the rifle yanked, cringing at the pop and crack the dead man’s fingers snapped and released the weapon. She found a box of rifle ammo on the ground beside him along with some bandages and a pistol not too far away. There was an arrow sticking out of his chest, she pulled that out as well, she may not have a bow but she could still stab someone with it.

“Thank you.” She whispered to the deadman, aiming the scope of the rifle towards the station. There was a silencer on the end of the barrel, she silently thanked the heavens for that.

She followed a single guard as he wandered out of sight of his companions and fired, watching him drop gracelessly to the ground. The next she sniped as he came around the building to check on his missing friend, he didn’t get a chance to see the body before was dead as well. The third and last one in her line of sight proved not to be as easy, he was doing jumping jacks of all things and the first shot went right past him, the bullet lodging itself in the van in front of him. He startled and as ran to see what had hit the van she fired again and he crumpled to the floor.

The remaining Peggies had heard the noise of the bullet hitting the car and witnessed their fellow cultist drop and jumped into full alert. Sarah shot out the alarms before they could be triggered before sprinting back to the ladder and quickly sliding down it. She had to be smart about this, the rifle would be no use in combat and she only had a clip full of ammo for the pistol. She couldn’t just fire blinding and hope she hit one.

She did her best to stay out of sight lines as she ran across the street, she wished Rook or Grace were here, it would be a lot easier to clear the station with extra guns. She slid into cover and took a few breaths to steady herself before aiming her gun over the crates she was hiding behind.

She fired at the first cultist to come into view, hitting him in the shoulder and sending him yowling for help and she dropped back into her cover. Almost instantly bullets started to fly in her direction, she crouched lower and prayed the crates would stay intact long enough for her to find sturdier cover. She waited for a pause when they would have to reload before running to a new cover spot, firing once more when she’d gotten there, she hit the one she’d wounded in the chest and he dropped to the ground.

The few minutes were tense as she switched between ducking and firing, she’d nearly emptied her clip by the time she dropped the last one. It was then, just when she let herself relax a bit, that snarling behind her sent her scrambling for safety. A Judge, its face painted red and body deformed from whatever sick process and turned it into the monster that it now was, stalked in her direction. Its lips curled and it snapped its teeth, she was close enough to see the blood staining the fur around its mouth.

Sarah fired her pistol, two bullets lodging themselves in the wolf’s shoulder before the clip was emptied. It barely flinched. All she had left was the arrow from earlier, frantically, she pulled it from her belt as the monster lunged. She drove it into the beast’s neck and rolled away, it yowled in pain and stumbled a bit but still turned to finish her off, renewed rage in its eyes.

She closed her eyes as it lunged with snapping teeth and waited for her inevitable death to come but instead she heard a high pitched whining. She cracked her eyes open to see another arrow lodged in the animal’s skull.

Her savior walked up without casting a second glance at the thing and pulled her to her feet. “What are you doing out here alone?” He asked, genuine concern in his voice.

Sarah stared at the boy in shock because that’s what he was, a boy who barely looked 17. “It was trying to call someone.” She answered blankly, looking at the Judge wolf and then him, she was still shocked to be alive. “Thank you.”

“Oh, it’s no problem. I’m Wheaty.” He grinned and stuck out his hand, Sarah couldn’t help but smile slightly and shook it.

“Deputy Lamb, but you can call me Sarah.”

“Deputy? So you must know Rook then?” He was practically beaming at the knowledge.

“Yes, have you seen her? Is she okay?” Sarah’s voice was frantic, she clutched at Wheaty’s hand hopefully.

“Yeah no she’s fine. She’d been really helpful fighting back against Jacob and his guys.” He reassured her before stepping away and surveying the area. “So you took this back? Yourself?”

“I guess, I just needed to get a working radio but I figured I couldn’t do that with them all here.”

“You’re sniper,” He pointed at it slung over her back, “Where’d you get it.”

“A dead guy at the gas station. Why?”

“It’s one of ours, it’s got the Whitetail Militia logo, see?” Sarah pulled it off and looked at the unique patterning on the side and the definite logo.

“You’re with the Whitetails?” He nodded and Sarah suddenly felt a little pissed off at whoever was running it for letting a teenager join. “Do you want it back?”

“Nah, you just cleared a cult outpost all by yourself I think you’ll use it better than any of us.” He was grinning in slight awe and his radio sputtered to life with a loud click. It had to be some sort of code, he clicked the talk button quickly in response before looking back at her. “I’ve gotta go, thanks for clearing this, I’ll let everyone know it’s safe to come here.” With that he walked back to the ATV sitting on the side of the road and drove off, waving as he passed.

Sarah watched him ride off and hoped he’d be okay before turning back to the mess she’d made. She picked her way across the property, looting bodies as she went. She stuffed the cash into her pocket and the bullets into a backpack she found. There was a discarded radio on the floor that thankfully hadn’t been destroyed. She walked into one of the building and sat down on the floor, her back against the wall as she started flipping through channels trying to find Rook’s.

“Rook? You there?” Dutch’s voice blared over the radio indicating she’d found the right channel.

“I’m here.” Rook answered back and Sarah couldn’t help but grin, beyond grateful that she was really still alive.

“Eli just radioed me to tell me the Park Ranger Station got taken back from the cult. Good job, kid.” He congratulated Rook and Sarah felt her smile fall, the familiar feelings of inadequacy filling her stomach.

“Uh, that wasn’t me, I’m with Jess on a rescue mission.”

“You’re an inspiration kid. You’re responsible whether you know it or not.”

“Oh, uh thanks then I guess.” Rook didn’t sound convinced at all, but Sarah still felt a little bubble of rage at the fact that she’d accept the gratitude.

She knew she shouldn’t be upset about this, she was helping people to help them, not to get thanks. But still, she had done this, not Rook, not anyone else. She had risked life and limb to clear out the outpost and no one even had the decency to acknowledge that it had been her, not Rook.

She caught herself thinking that maybe Staci was right, maybe she should stop helping them. It was a dangerous thought and she wanted to curse Staci for putting it in her head. Only it’d been there for a while, waiting at the edges of her mind for the right time to overwhelm her with potentially traitorous thoughts.

Sarah looked down at the radio in her hand, suddenly aware of its weight. She was tempted to throw it at the building across from her, but rationally she knew that was idiotic and reckless. If she needed help this was her lifeline. Instead, she clipped it to her belt and grabbed an abandoned pistol across from her, throwing it as hard as she could through the glass windowpane in the door instead.

The sound of glass shattering set something alight in her soul. Soon she was on her feet, blind with anger and fear, screaming insults at the world and throwing anything she could get her hands on. She grabbed a discarded baseball bat and smashed in the windows of a truck nearby. There were angry tears streaming down her face but she barely cared as she hit on of the doors of the ranger station into it cracked and broke from its hinges.

The windows smashed, doors missing and cars wrecked, Sarah collapsed to the ground. Her rage was replaced with a hollow void as she sat there, numb. She rubbed at the tears that had streaked her face, sniffling and on the brink of crying again. 

She felt like an idiot, she shouldn’t be this upset. It shouldn’t matter whether the people of this God forsaken county thanked her for helping them or not. And yet here she was on the verge of crying over it.

She tried to focus instead on the pain in her hands, it gave her something outside of her thoughts to think of. Her knuckles were bruised from punching something during her rage, her palms scraped up from her earlier fall. There was blood dripping down her left hand from a cut above her wrist, most likely from a piece of glass. She pulled the medkit she’d found from her bag and pressed a strip of gauze to the wound until the bleeding stopped. She’d need to find a river or something where she could clean it out, she didn’t need tetanus or blood poisoning or something just as bad.

She didn’t want to find Rook anymore, she decided and shouldered her sniper rifle again. She wasn’t sure where she was going but she wanted to get the hell away from here.

 

The drive out of the Whitetail Mountains was thankfully uneventful. Sarah drove numbly, the sounds of Peggie radio filling the car and drowning out her thoughts of fear and anger. She eventually found herself crossing the border into the Henbane and pulling into the 8-Bit Pizza Bar parking lot.

The parking lot was empty and she was honestly glad for it. She really didn’t think she was in the mood to talk to anyone right now, she just needed a drink.

Inside was quiet, Sarah turned on the radio sitting on the corner and walked around the bar to get herself a drink. She blew the dust out of the glass and filled it with whiskey before she dropped down into one of the stools, her glass in one hand and bottle in the other.

She was on her second glass when the sounds of a car pulling up outside interrupted the silence of the evening. She sighed and threw back what was left of her drink, filling it before whoever it was came inside.

The door was thrown open haphazardly, smacking back against the wall beside it. Her new drinking companion strode forward, dropping something on a table as they went. Sarah didn’t look up, hopeful that whoever they were they would get the memo that she wasn’t in the mood for company and leave her the hell alone.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the newcomer walk past her, no words were shared as they grabbed a few beers from behind the counter. There was heavy silence when they finally stopped moving, their staring obvious even if Sarah couldn’t see them.

“Hey, Dep.” Sharky greeted, his voice laced with concern. Sarah took a sharp intake and looked up at him, she tried her best to off a smile but it fell short.

“Hi, Sharky.” She felt some of the tension leave her shoulders. She was glad it was Sharky as opposed to anyone else.

“No one’s heard from you in weeks. Where’d you do?” He came around the counter and sat down next to her, chugging half his beer before looking at her for an answer.

Sarah didn’t answer immediately, instead, she ran her finger around the rim of her glass milling over how she wanted to answer the question. Did she tell the truth about where she’d been, who she’d been with, or did she lie about just as she lied about her run-ins with John? One look at Sharky’s honest expression made up her mind, she didn’t have to lie to him, he wouldn’t going to judge her like everyone else.

“I was with Jacob. He got me and Rook a while ago. The Whitetails rescued her but I got left behind.”

“What? Why the fuck did they leave you?” There was indignation in his voice and Sarah couldn’t help but smile, a part of her cheering for the fact that someone genuinely cared about her.

“They found Rook alive and assumed she was the only survivor I guess. It’s fine, Jacob found me a couple days later.”

“A couple days? How are you still alive?”

“It was just a couple days, that’s not long enough to starve or dehydrate. Anyways I was barely conscious for most of it, I ended up sleeping for three days straight after Jacob got me.” Sharky nodded, finishing off his beer and opening another. Sarah took another gulp of the liquid in her glass, cringing at the taste.

“So have you been with him this whole time?”

“Pretty much yeah. He had me running trails for a week or so, then when he brought me back to the VA Center he had me running training courses. I don’t know why he didn’t just kill me or continue running me through the trails. He called me strong when he found me, I don’t know why. I was barely alive.” She shrugged, looking at the contents of her glass in mock contemplation while the memories of her time at the center replayed. “John showed up two nights ago, he’s gonna kill me when he gets his hands on me.”

“What’d you do to piss off ol’ Johnson?”

“I kinda cut his throat a bit last time we were in the same room as each other.” Sarah answered somewhat sheepishly and finished the rest of her drink before retelling the events at John’s bunker and her other run-ins with him to a very amused Sharky.

“Look, I’m gonna be honest, sounds like Johnson wants to bang you.”

If Sarah had a drink in her mouth she would spit it out. “Where did you get that from my story.”

“The dude made you a fancy dinner after baptizing you, no one else around here has ever gotten that kind of treatment. He sent someone to pick up your drunk ass because he was worried you were gonna kill yourself driving home. He let you just walk off his ranch without even an escort. And he said he wasn’t going to force you to atone, he doesn’t give people that choice.” Sharky explained acting like the all-seeing relationship counselor of the county.

“Yeah okay.” Sarah dismissed him, waving his words away with her hand. Sharky grabbed it and frowned before dragging her off her chair to sit on the table where he’d dropped his stuff.

“How’d you fuck up your hands?” He asked as he poured some of her whiskey over the cuts then set to work bandaging them.

“I smashed in the windows at the park ranger station in the Whitetails.” Sharky let out an amused snort and shot her a look that told he didn’t believe her. Sarah just stared back until his eyes widened a little when he realized she wasn’t lying.

“Alright go, Dep. Smashing private property like a badass.” He laughed and Sarah couldn’t help but join him.

“I’m an awful deputy Jesus.” She proclaimed with a grin on her face. “I vandalize property, I’m always at least 15 miles over the speed limit. Hell, I even let you go free and you’re technically a wanted fugitive. Who thought it was a good idea to give me a badge.”

“Thanks for letting me go, by the way, jail sucks.” Sharky grinned, switching to bandaging her other hand.

“I’ll take your word for it for now. Though if we all survive this and the government shows up I’ll probably end up in jail too. Maybe we’ll end up in a unisex prison and we can talk to each other through the fences in the yard.”

Sharky let out a hearty laugh at that and let go of Sarah’s now wrapped hand. “Fucking hope so.”

They fell into a comfortable silence, Sharky finished off his beer and Sarah pulled at a loose thread on her shirt. She needed to change, these were the same things she’d been given at the VA Center.

“I miss it.” She broke the silence, not daring to look at Sharky as she continued to talk. “The VA Center I mean. I miss the routine. Jacob didn’t give me time to breathe let alone think, it was nice. No one asked me to find their errands or find their friends. I didn’t have to think about anything besides the next obstacle. I didn’t have time to think about how insignificant I apparently am.”

“I think you’re pretty significant.” Sharky offered, pushing her shoulder with him.

“You might be the only one.”

“What about Nick and Kim?”

“Fine, you’re one of three.”

Sharky glared at her words before pushing himself up. “You tired?”

“Sarah was a little caught off guard by the sudden change of subject and shrugged helplessly. “I guess so yeah.”

“Then let’s go, I’ll take you to Boshaw Manor, my couch is relatively comfortable.”

“What, you’re not gonna offer your guest the bed?” Sarah teased as she followed him out to his car. Sharky laughed and gave her an incredulous look.

“Fuck no.” He responded playfully and got into the driver's seat, Sarah snorted out a laugh and got into the passenger’s. She turned on the radio, immediately flipping it to the cult radio and earning a groan from Sharky. “Please Sarah, anything but that Peggie shit.” Sarah snickered and switched it to another station.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this one took so long. I had finals last week and since then I've been binge playing RDR2. I'm hoping to get one more chapter out this week, but we'll see.
> 
> I'm working on a few other things at the moment but this story does still have most of my focus. I've got a Thomas backstory in the works and a no cult AU with these losers.
> 
> I want to say thank you to everyone who comments on these chapters. I'm slow at replying to them and I'm really sorry about that, but they all make me so so happy. Every single time I get an email saying there's a new comment I get a massive rush of dopamine. It's honestly the best thing ever to know that you guys are actually enjoying this and I just wanted you all to know how much it means to me.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to repost this because the formatting got fucked. But I fixed it so we're all good.

Sarah spent the better part of the following day drinking beers with Sharky. They’d gone up to the trailer park in the afternoon and together had set up a few more speakers for his little disco thing, all of which Sarah was certain were stolen.

She’d gone home afterward, nearly crashed a few times but somehow survived. She’d stopped at Nick and Kim’s place to pick up Boomer but the couple had stolen her keys from her. Apparently, she needed to sober up before she could go home.

That of course never happened. She’d followed Nick around his hangar like a lost puppy until he eventually gave up on fixing the plane and started drinking with her. Kim had broken up their little pity party, her mourning her own insignificance while he cried over the loss of Carmina still. Sarah promised to get his plane back soon and with that, he’d followed Kim back to the house.

Sarah had finished her drink before taking a walk. The cool air felt nice against her skin, it smelled like the woods around them and gasoline from the planes. She found herself missing the muggy, polluted ocean air from her childhood. Their house had been so close to the water, she’d spent her days running through San Francisco fog, breathing in the smell of sea water.

Kim had given her the key to the trailer behind their house months ago. Sarah had thought it was stupid at the time, her house was a short drive away. She was grateful now though as she went inside and collapsed in the barely used bed. She faded off to sleep to memories of the sea and her parents, memories of a life she could never return to now.

 

_A childish scream filled the air and was followed by hysteric giggling. A little girl sprinted through a red front door pursued by her father, his arms outstretched to catch her._

_“I’m gonna get you, get you good.” He laughed as he chased after her, a wide grin on his face. His hands grabbed her waist and lifted her into the air._

_“No no no, lemme go.” She squealed as he ran back inside with her. He tickled her sides until they hurt from her laughter and finally let her go. They both sat across from each other catching their breath._

_“Come on Sarah-bear, let’s have lunch.” He smiled and held out a hand for her to grab and she happily followed him into the kitchen._

_“Daddy?”_

_“Yes, princess?” He looked up at her from the mac and cheese he was cooking._

_“Where’s Mommy?” She asked for the thousandth time that month, he sighed and shook his head, offering her a pitting smile as he brought her a bowl._

_“Working darling, she’ll come home soon.” An answer he’d given a thousand times in return._

_Sarah suddenly found herself standing in the doorway, watching the memory from her childhood with a familiar pain in her chest. She opened her mouth to speak but found that no sound came out. The panic that started to fill her faded as her father looked up at her with a sad smile._

_“Hey princess, what are you doing here?” His voice sounded like it was being pushed through 10 gallons of water, distorted and muffled, yet so clear at the same time. “You’ve got work to do.”_

_Sarah shook her head and looked back at her younger self, so blissfully ignorant to the future that awaited her. Her father wrapped her in a hug and she cried._

_“He needs you. They all do.” He whispered against her ear and his arms tightened around her enough to stop her from moving away if she tried. “They won’t survive without you. You’re the only one who can save them from themselves.”_

_His words weren’t his own and when Sarah tore herself away from her, she found herself standing in the middle of a field instead of her old house. Her father stood across from her, flanked by none other than Joseph Seed._

_“My child,” They spoke together, Joseph beckoned her forward, she took a step back. “Save them.”_

_There was stumbling behind her and a gunshot rang out. Sarah whirled around to see John fall to the floor, body broken and barely breathing. She moved to run to him but stopped when she saw Jacob slumped on the floor near him, a hollow laugh leaving his lips. Joseph wailed behind her and a girl appeared from nowhere in front of her._

_“I can help you,” Her voice was genuine and she cupped Sarah’s face with her hands, forcing her to look away from the bodies before her. “All it takes is a leap of faith.”_

_The girl’s smile broke as red trickled from the corner of her lips, she looked down in horror. Sarah followed the girl’s eyes and saw the red staining her dress as it flowed from the hole in her chest. She looked around for the shooter before realizing one of her own hands was wrapped around the gun pressed to the girl’s chest._

_The girl dropped and Rook took her place looking at Sarah with quiet indifference. Hazy green smoke from where Faith had stood now swirled around Rook’s fiery red hair and clouded her eyes._

_“He needs you.” Her words echoed eerily through the air and a chorus of other voices joined her._

_“They all do. They won’t survive without you. You’re the only one who can save them from themselves.” Her father, Joseph, John, Jacob, Faith, and Rook all spoke in unison, their words melting together and booming through the field._

_Joseph placed a hand on her should and pulled her towards him, their foreheads pressed together. “Save them.” He whispered and his eyes met hers sending an icy jolt through her body._

 

Sarah jolted up in bed, sweat causing her shirt to cling to her body. She felt tears on her cheeks and before she could stop to think she was running from the trailer. She passed the house and climbed into her car, she needed to get away from that dream.

She should drive home, she should go home and try to sleep again in the comfort of her own bed. She should call Rook, see if there was something she needed help with. Instead, she sped in the opposite direction of her house and took the turn to the John Seed’s ranch.

The tires of her car spit gravel as she took the turn a bit too fast and tried to keep control of the car. There was a moment where she thought she’d lost, but after seconds of fighting, she was back in control.

This was reckless, someone was probably going to shoot her if they saw her barrelling up to the ranch in the car. She stopped the car abruptly, her seatbelt the only thing to stop her body from being through forward from the sudden change in speed. She climbed out, leaving her things behind, and trekked through the trees until she stood in front of the house.

The lights outside had been turned off, the only light that came from the house was from the windows of one of the bedrooms. Sarah guessed that one was John’s, it had to be. If it wasn’t she was definitely going to get shot. If it was she was probably going to get shot too.

She stuck to the shadows and searched for a set of stairs outside. She stopped in front of the door to the room, this was her last chance to turn away. She could go home now and he’d never know she was here.

Her hand knocked once before she could stop herself someone on the other side audibly sighed. There was a creak of a bed followed by the sound of the door unlocking. Sarah flinched as the knob twisted and squinted at the light.

“What do you want Tommy?” John asked, his voice tired and he obviously hadn’t looked to see who it was. Sarah stared at him, cautiously waiting for him to realize she wasn’t Thomas. His face morphed from irritated to hostile and he surged forward, grabbing her arms and flipping her so her back was pressed against the side of the house. “Why are you here?”

“I…” She didn’t know, she racked her brain for a good excuse or reason to have shown up at the last place she was welcome. Maybe it was to make sure her dream had been just a dream, to make sure he was still alive, breathing and unbroken. “I don’t know.”

John didn’t seem to appreciate that answer, his eyes narrowing, and he grabbed her arm tighter with one hand while the other slammed into the wall beside her head. There was murder in his eyes and Sarah did her best to hold back the terrified shiver than ran up her spine. 

Another set of footsteps pounded up the stairs and stopped in front of them. Sarah risked a glance at the new arrival and realized it was Thomas, his gun raised and pointed at her skull.

“I’m fine Thomas, go back to what you were doing.” John didn’t look away from her, his hand that had punched the wall moving to loosely wrap around her throat in a threat.

“Are you sure?” Thomas questioned and flinched at the glare he received in response. “Yes, sir.” He bowed his head down as he made a hasty exit.

“I’m being reasonable and asking again. Why are you here, Sarah?” He was obviously using every ounce of self-control not to suffocate her right there. Sarah didn’t bother struggling, it wouldn’t do any good.

“I had a dream.” She blurted out and his eyes narrowed even more.

“What kind of a dream?”

“I saw you die. I-I guess I wanted to see if it was real.” She sputtered, looking down in slight shame. Why was she more worried about her enemy than the people she was supposed to be protecting?

John’s grip on her arm loosened and his hand fell away from her neck. A sigh left his lips and he stepped away, pulling her with him and into the light and warmth of his room.

“Well, I’m clearly not dead, no thanks to you.” He added, bitterness lacing his voice.

“I never wanted to kill you, I just needed you to let me go. So much was happening, I got overwhelmed and I lashed out.” Why was she explaining herself to him? She sat down hesitantly on the edge of his bed, watching as he kicked off the expensive looking slippers he had on and.

There was a moment of awkward silence where neither moved, they just stared at each other. John broke it by clearing his throat and sitting down beside her.

“Do you want to talk about this dream?” He asked, his voice genuine. Sarah leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. She told him about it, leaving out the parts about Jacob’s death and her killing Faith.

John never spoke, just sat there and listened. The whole thing felt like a real confession, not the bastardized version of one that he’d wanted in his bunker. She told him about the first dream after her baptism, about how she’d seen him die then too along with her friends, about their rage at her for not helping them.

She told him about the start of that first dream, how she’d seen herself in white, with the Project proudly displayed on her skin and John by her side. John smiled at that and grabbed her shaking hand, drawing what definitely felt like the Eden’s Gate symbol on the back of her palm.

“My brothers are also tormented by dreams.” He told her, his voice was hushed. Sarah focused on his finger moving on her hand to ground herself.

“How do they cope with them?” She asked though she doubted the answer would be helpful.

“Jacob doesn’t sleep much, Joseph stays up all night writing and spends all day preaching,” John answered truthfully, he looked down at their hands before speaking again. “Before Joseph found me again, I used to use whatever I could to make them go away. Alcohol, drugs, sex, it helped a bit.”

“How about now?” Sarah looked at him like he was a prophet, searching his face for any answers he could offer.

“I take them out on others.” He looked past her, his face cold as if he was reliving something. Sarah pulled her hand away from his and eyed him warily until he came back to the present. He looked at the hand that had been holding hers with a bit of confusion before looking back at her.

“I’ll go, it’s late. Goodnight John, thank you for talking to me even if you hate me right now.” She stood and gave him a sad smile before walking to the door. Her hand had just closed around the hand when John’s hand on her arm pulled her back towards him.

“Don’t go, I can help you.” He said, his hand slipping down her arm to cover her hand again.

“I don’t need to be baptized again, John.” Sarah was tired of this back and forth. He knew she didn’t want her soul saved any time soon. So why did he continue to push?

“No, I can help you forget your dreams, at least for now.” He pulled her deeper into the room, she cast one last look at the door before going without a fight.

“How? I’m pretty sure alcohol, drugs, and sex are against the rules in your cult and I’m not going to beat on some sorry resistance members.” She shot back sarcastically, anything to relieve some of the anxiety she was feeling right now.

“I can break the rules every once in a while.” He smirked and pulled her flush against him, backing them up until his legs hit the bed. He sat down and pulled her willingly into his lap so her thighs straddled him. “Let me help you.” He whispered, eyes meeting hers and waiting for a response.

“I— okay.” Sarah placed her hands on his shoulders as he rubbed circles into her hips. “This doesn’t mean anything.” She needed to make sure they were on the same page.

John laughed and cupped her cheek, “Of course it doesn’t mean anything.” He smiled and the hand of her cheek slid down to the top button of her flannel. His fingers undid the buttons and an agonizingly slow pace but finally, the fabric was pushed off her shoulders and dropped to the floor.

A barely heard breath slipped from John’s lips and his fingers immediately found her skin, tracing the scars that mingled with freckles. He ran a hand up her spine and unhooked her bra, pulling it off and leaning back to stare.

Sarah, slightly embarrassed, looked away from him, focusing on John’s plane coat where it hung beside the door. He made a sound of disapproval and grabbed her chin, forcing her attention back to him.

“Stunning.” He whispered as if he didn’t want to break the silence, Sarah blushed and he smiled. She felt like an inexperienced virgin as he massaged her breasts, not breaking eye contact, goosebumps covered her skin.

His eyes finally left hers and dove forward, his mouth moved to trace her jaw, planting kisses as he went. She hummed happily as he bit down, adding just enough pressure to hurt a bit, then licked the now aching spot. He smiled against her skin and continued nipping and kissing his way down her neck.

He bit down hard on the junction where her neck met her shoulders just as he pinched her nipples. Sarah whined at the sensations and melted into his touch. She ground down against his hardening cock and grinned proudly at the moan she managed to drag from John’s lips.

“Are you just gonna tease me all night John? Or are you actually gonna fuck me?” She purred, running her fingers through his hair. He shot her a cocky little smirk and continued kissing down her chest until his lips closed over one of her nipples. He bit down just hard enough to hurt and she covered her mouth to stifle a moan.

“No.” John’s voice was slightly muffled by her breast, he had a vice-like grip on the hand covering her mouth and pulled it away. “Let them hear you. I want everyone to know I’m fucking you.”

God, Sarah was screwed. She moaned at his words alone, giving into the sensation entirely and ground down harder than before, setting a pace as his mouth moved to her other nipple. She arched her back, one of his arms lacing around her to keep her upright. She tangled her fingers his hair and pulled, drawing out a satisfied hum from the man below her.

John pulled away and she felt an overwhelming swell of disappointment, though it quickly dissipated as John stood up, lifting her with him and dropped her unceremoniously back onto the bed. She expected to bounce back up but instead sunk in, of course, this expensive fuck had a memory foam mattress. He wasted no time in undoing his shirt, Sarah propped herself up on her elbows so she could watch.

“Take a picture, it will last longer.” John quipped cocky as ever, he dropped the shirt into a pile with her own.

“Would if I could but I don’t have a camera.” She quickly undid her own pants, wiggling her hips so she could slide them off, and tossed them along with her panties in his direction.

“Desperate?” John laughed, actually fucking laughed, and very slowly pulled his pajama bottoms off. If he was attempting to look sexy, it was lost on her, she couldn’t get over the planes decorated his pants. He was the cutest little plane nerd she’d ever met.

Sarah hummed in mock thought, looking him up and down where he stood in all his naked glory at the foot of the bed. He had a smug grin on his face, Sarah could smack it off him.

“I wouldn’t say desperate, more eager to get this over with.” His smile faltered and Sarah couldn’t stop herself from laughing. She sat up and crawled forward, grabbing his wrist and dragging him onto the bed with her. “Come on big guy, thought you were gonna help me forget.”

John didn’t have to be told twice, his knees hit the bed and he crawled towards her like a hunting animal. He quirked an eyebrow as his face loomed over hers, “Big guy?”

Sarah couldn’t help but return his grin and laughed lightly, shaking her head and smacking his shoulder. “Fuck off.” Her voice light and teasing, she opened her mouth to say something else but cut herself off with a moan as his fingers slipped between her wet folds.

John’s kissed her shoulders, whispering unheard words as he went. Heavy breathing and moans filled the room as his thumb assaulted her clit while he thrust two fingers inside of her. 

He wasn’t one to waste time, thank god. It’s not like Sarah was a virgin, she didn’t need hand-holding and slow touches the whole time, thankfully he seemed to know that without her needing to vocalize it.

A third finger entered her and she bit down on John’s shoulder, earning her a slight smack on the hip. She moved a hand between them to circle his cock, but almost as soon as she had John pulled her away.

“I’m helping you, remember?” He told her and increased the pressure on her clit as if to drive his point home. He didn’t relent, his fingers fucking into her until she was an absolute mess, her orgasm building. God, she could fall in love with those fingers.

“John,” She panted out and he continued to finger her, a hum against her skin was the only indication that he’d heard her. “If you don’t fuck me, I’m gonna finish myself off and leave.”

“As you wish.” He removed his fingers, raising them to his lips and tasting them while keeping eye contact with her. Sarah shivered at the slight moan that left his lips and was secretly grateful when he looked away and reached above her head. He opened his side table drawer and pulled out a condom, sliding it onto his already leaking cock. Those hands that she loved so much pushed her thighs apart and lined himself up with her entrance.

Sarah wanted to make a snarky comment about that, how even in the middle of a war he had fucking condoms in his bedroom. John was clearly too smart for her though, as soon as she opened her mouth to speak her thrust into her and a loud moan left her lips instead.

He stilled for a second, watching her face for any signs that she wanted him to stop. Sarah, annoyed that he had stopped, thrust her hips as a signal for him to continue.

His thrusts start slow, but quickly grow faster and more desperate. His hand found its way between them again, fingers circling against her clit in time with his thrusts. A moan rips itself from Sarah’s throat and she pulled at his hair with one hand while the other leaves claw marks on his back.

John responds to the painful tug of his hair combines with the scratches with a broken moan of his own. Sarah’s eyes widened as he thrust into her with renewed vigor, each tug on his messy hair making him move faster and pulling beautiful noises from his lips.

Sarah felt herself sitting just on the edge, the pleasure at the pit of her stomach building and she bit down on John’s shoulder again. She just needed a bit more. John shifted and changed his angle so he was now hitting that sweet spot and she cried out.

“Fuck John.” She moaned, her head thrown back. “I’m close don’t stop, fuck.”

“Me too.” He said between sinful moans and Sarah squeezed around his cock. She wanted to hear those noises for the rest of her life.

He pressed down on her clit just as he hit the spot again and she was thrown over the edge. “Yes!” She cried out, digging her nails into his shoulders enough to break the skin.

“Say it again.” John was practically begging and Sarah would give him anything at this moment.

“Yes.” His thrusts were erratic, he’d lost his rhythm, he was close.

“Again.” John’s voice broke and Sarah tugged on his hair again.

“Yes yes yes yes.” She whimpered, he bottomed out in her with a loud moan, his hips jerking sporadically every few seconds.

Once they’d both come down from their highs, John pulled out of her with a groan and flopped down next to her. He removed the condom and tied it off, throwing it into the wastebasket in the corner of the room. Sarah would admit she was a little impressed by the accuracy and would have voiced it if she wasn’t so exhausted.

For a second Sarah expected to be shoved out of bed and sent home, but instead, John laced an arm around her waist and pulled her against him. His heavy breathing gradually evened out and she soon realized he’d fallen asleep, his arms still holding her in a vise-like grip.

The next hour was spent debating whether or not she should leave. She _should_ leave before he even wakes up, she _should_ go home and shower, she _should_ pretend this never happened.

Then again, she was so tired and John’s bed was so fucking comfy. He hadn’t asked her to leave so he probably didn’t give a shit. Nick and Kim would probably just assume she got a call and ran out to help someone. No one would miss her, so what was the harm in staying.

Her mind made up, she wiggled out of John’s embrace and reached across him to turn the bedside lamp off, submerging them in darkness. The room was quiet apart from John’s and Sarah snuggled back against him, smiling against his skin as a happy sounding rumble erupted from his chest and he wrapped her in an embrace.

Her eyes heavy, she fell asleep smothered by the smell of expensive cologne, coffee and pine needles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep apologizing for these taking so long and I feel bad about that. Here I am again apologizing for the wait. There was a nearly finished chapter written mid-last week and I had intended to finish it up and post it Friday evening. However, I hated how it had played out and it really really wasn't the way I had wanted it to go so I decided to scrap the entire thing and rewrite. I was working this weekend so it took a bit longer than it should have and I had my friend read it over at least three times before I posted this because I wanted to make sure it was some quality shit before I put it out.


	11. Chapter 11

It’d been a nearly a week since Sarah had last seen John when she’d crept out of his room in the early morning. He’d been dead to the world and she’d taken that as her cue to run for the hills. She’d stolen another one of his coats, this time a fashionably worn out leather jacket, in the hopes that maybe he’d ask her to bring it back, but so far he hadn’t. The only time she heard his voice now was in his broadcasts on the radios and at outposts.

She missed him, if only slightly, and that fact left feeling guilty and exhilarated at the same time. She’d always had fun breaking the rules and going against what was expected of her. She’d taken a lot of pleasure in being her mother’s greatest disappointment back in the day. And if fucking John Seed and wanting to do it again wasn’t one of the worst things she could do right now then she wasn’t sure what was.

She’d spent a few days getting more sniper practice in with Grace and hunted a few bears that had been terrorizing the locals with Boomer. She had even picked up a few shifts at the Spread Eagle so she could earn a bit more cash and buy the SA-50 she’d had her eye on.

The first thing she’d done with her fancy new gun was take back the packing facility that she and Rook had cleared out when they’d first gotten to Holland Valley. In their absence, the Resistance had lost the outpost to the cult once again and Mary May had heavily implied that it was Sarah’s fault for not being there to help.

With Boomer’s help she’d cleared it quickly and without incident, having already done this before she knew what to expect. She’d taken out the alarm quickly and dispatched the remaining cultists, Boomer had killed the last one while she stayed in her sniping spot. It had been different without Rook around. She’d turned to celebrate her victory before remembering there was no one to share it with.

Radio in hand, she clicked to talk. “Packing facility is ours again.”

“Good job.” Rook’s voice spoke back and Sarah frowned at the disinterest in her voice, “Thanks for keeping me in the loop, ma’am.”

“Rook? It’s me, Sarah.” She responded, her voice on the edge of pleading for recognition from one of her last friends in this hellhole of a county.

“Oh, Sarah? I thought you were dead, guess that explains some things. Um, well thanks for helping the Resistance clear that place.”

“Helped? I cleared it by myself?” Her words came out as more of a hurt question that a statement.

“Yeah, thanks.” Rook’s tone was dismissive, there was a long silence before she spoke again. “I’m on way out there with Jess Black and Cheese, we’ll make sure the Peggies don’t come back so feel free to go do your own thing.”

Sarah leaned away from the radio with a look of betrayal on her face. Had Rook just dismissed what she’d done? Had she just fucking replaced her? She loved Jess Black— well loved was a stretch— she liked Jess Black, but she wasn’t qualified to watch Rook’s back.

“I’ll do that.” Sarah snapped, clenching and unclenching her fists. The recently familiar feeling of wrath seeping through her veins brought a little smile to her face. She could just picture John’s smug grin if he could see her now.

She climbed down from the water tower she’d taken up position on, whistling for Boomer to join her. She could go to the Rye’s and see Finny, but she’d been there so much lately she felt like a bit of nuisance. Sharky was an option but Sarah honestly didn’t feel like driving out that far. She could go home, but she’d gotten so used to being around other people that home just felt empty now.

“Come on B, we’re gonna explore.” She patted the side of her thigh and walked on, Boomer happily following beside her. She didn’t have a destination in mind, maybe they’d find a nice pond where she could get away from the awful heat.

 

They hadn’t found a pond, much to Sarah’s dismay. Instead, they’d found a few Peggies broken down on the side of the road in one of their Project trucks with the speakers all strapped down in the trunk. They’d come upon them just as Set Those Sinner Free began, it had seemed fitting.

Sarah had briefly debating blowing the truck, but Nick had taught her some stuff about engines in the recent weeks so she figured she could safely fix it. A bit of tinkering and blowtorching later, she was confident that it would run for at least another day before completely crapping out, barring any bullet holes of course.

Boomer had immediately climbed into the passenger’s side and curled up in a tight ball on the floor. The AC was turned to full blast and with no destination in mind, Sarah lay across the sights and looked at the ceiling. Basking in the icy air pouring from the vents, she listened to the music coming from the clump of speakers.

The music quieted down and Sarah thought for a moment that she’d touched something only for one of John’s sermons to start. She realized after a minute of listening absently that she hadn’t heard this one before and perked up a bit.

“—you cannot run from your sins. Embrace it. Accept it. Run from it. In the end, you will atone. You will say yes, I want to be saved. Yes, I will confess. Yes, I will atone. And I will help you. I will save your soul. All you have to do is say yes to The Father. Say yes to The Project. Say yes to God. The Father believes in you.” John’s words dripped charisma, he could convince all of Hope County to turn sides if he wanted to.

Sarah sighed as his sermon ended and the music’s volume increased once again. She could feel her resolve weakening with each day she spent listening to the sermons he and Joseph broadcasted across the valley.

The night she’d gone to arrest Joseph, she’d doubted herself. She’d caught herself fantasizing about stepping forward and taking his outstretched hands. Of standing at his side and waiting for her coworkers, her friends, to leave her in disgust. She’d known that if it was her with the cuffs, she would abandon them and take his side.

She’d hardened herself against the idea since then. Her judgment had been clouded, she didn’t know all of the awful things the cult did that Joseph was permitting in his quest to save their souls and prepare for the Collapse. She woke up each morning and did her best to convince herself that they were all monsters.

And yet each day Sarah caught herself doubting that more and more, fantasizing once again about standing by their side. Recently, she’d begun imagining herself at John’s side, she’d dreamed of it multiple times. Standing hand in hand with him against the world, standing strong against anyone who would destroy them.

She must be sick, who would fantasize about joining hands with psychopaths. Maybe she was concussed or suffering some awful infection from one of the many wounds that now decorated her skin. No one in their right mind would dream of walking side by side with someone who would kill her without a second thought.

“Sarah?” Rook’s voice over the radio interrupted her thoughts, Sarah couldn’t help but feel grateful that she’d been pulled out of that rabbit hole.

“Yeah?” She answered, waiting patiently for Rook’s orders. She frowned at that. Since when had she started taking orders from Rook? She was technically Sarah’s subordinate, though she wasn’t sure that was still a thing, what with the entire county until the control of a cult.

“Did you leave the packing facility?”

“Yeah, you said do your own thing so I did. Why?”

“You didn’t call any Resistance members to come defend it. The Peggies took it back.” Rook sounded genuinely pissed and Sarah shot up in her seat ready to defend herself. “I had to clear it again. We need to talk, in person.” Rook cut off anything Sarah may have said in her own defense.

Sarah pulled the map from her bag and figured out where she was in relation to the packing facility. Boomer perked up as she turned the car around, gassing it towards the outpost.

They came skidding to a stop and Sarah had barely put the truck in park before she was jumping out. Build a Castle blasted through the speakers and the Resistance members dragging bodies away glared at her. Boomer jumped out the open window and ran off to sniff around.

“Sarah,” Rook waved her over, she looked pissed off. Jess narrowed her eyes as Sarah walked past her to stand in front of Rook. “Let’s talk in private.” She led the way to the office, shutting it behind Sarah and sitting down in the chair by the desk. Sarah stood awkwardly in the center of the room for a moment before leaning against the wall.

“You left, Sarah. You didn’t call for anyone and the cult got this place back.” Rook hung her head in disappointment.

“I told everyone I’d cleared it.” Sarah grinned in disbelief, this had to be a joke.

“You didn’t wait to see if anyone had gotten the message.”

“I broadcasted it on the Resistance radio channel.

“You were supposed to wait for someone to take your place.”

“No one told me that. No one even said they were coming. Tessa, you told me to leave, that you didn’t need me.” Sarah pushed off the wall, clenching her fists to hold back her anger at the situation she was in now.

“Don’t call me that.” Rook snapped, glaring up at Sarah.

“That’s your fucking name. What? Am I supposed to call you Deputy like everyone else and worship the ground you walk on?” Sarah’s voice had risen significantly since they walked in here.

“You’re supposed to show me some damn respect. I’m working my ass off for you, risking my life for these people, and you just waltz around like you own the place.” Rook jumped from her chair to match Sarah.

“Are you kidding me?” Sarah all but shrieked, throwing her hands in the air. “Tessa, no one gives a shit about me. I haven’t been thanked once for anything.” She made sure the drag out Rook’s first name.

Rook looked up at Sarah, disgust and disbelief covering her face. “You’re not supposed to do this for thanks. This is your damn job.”

Sarah scoffed, “No, my job is checking gun permits and stopping drunken brawls. I didn’t sign up to fight a fucking cult.” She turned away from Rook and threw open the door, stomping out of the office.

“Officer Lamb!” Rook shouted after her, “Get back here!”

Sarah turned, her mouth agape in barely contained rage. “Did you just order me around, Probie?” She threw Staci’s favorite insult in Rook’s face. A few resistance members turned to watch, Jess took a step forward and surveyed the scene.

“You’re an officer of the law, you’re supposed to uphold the law. That means doing your fucking job. Not day drinking with Nick Rye or running off to play fetch with Boomer.”

Sarah rushed forward, shoving Rook back against the wall behind her. “You’re not my fucking boss. Last time I checked, killing people and taking their property wasn’t in my job description either.” She hissed, venom in her voice.

“They’re not innocent, they’re murderers. And they stole this property from the people of Hope County.”

“They bought it, The Project bought almost every property they control.”

“They lost the right to these places when they started massacring innocents.”

“How can you be this dense? That doesn’t make it okay for us to execute them.” Sarah exclaimed, running her hands through her hair.

“This coming from the woman wearing a psychopath’s clothes.” Rook sneered, her voice low so no one else could hear, and she shoved Sarah in turn.

Sarah stumbled back and looked down at her clothes. Of course, she’d had to choose today of all days to wear John’s blue shirt that she’d taken from his place weeks ago along with the jacket she’d stolen the night of her baptism. The shirt could be dismissed, but the bomber jacket had tiny planes on the fabric inside and with the collar flipped open anyone could see the print. It was unmistakably John Seed's.

“I’m sorry, I forgot I was talking to the great Sarah Lamb. You’ve been doing what these last few weeks, hiding out at home with your cat and watching old movies? You obviously haven’t been helping anyone because today was the first time I’ve heard your voice. Actually, today is the first time I’ve heard you mentioned at all.” Rook was baiting her and it was working. Sarah took steps forward until she was mere inches from the smaller woman. “See, unlike you, I don’t think the world owes me. I’ve actually been helping people, not leaving all the work for everyone else while I sit on my ass.”

Sarah’s right fist collided with Rook’s cheek before she could stop herself. In an instant, everyone had pulled their guns and Jess had a knife pressed against Sarah’s throat. Rook rubbed her cheek and looked up at Sarah from where she’d fallen to the floor, her shock obvious. She looked back down at Rook with pure rage. If Jess’s hunting knife wasn’t pressed hard enough to almost draw blood, she would have thrown herself to the ground to hit Rook again and she was sure the other woman knew it.

“Let her go, Jess,” Rook ordered, pushing herself off the floor. “Get out of here Sarah, before you fuck something up or kill someone. Sleep it off and report back to me in the morning."

“I’m not your fucking soldier.” Sarah spat, rolling her neck once Jess had stepped away. “These idiots may think you’re their savior, but I know you’re as terrified as the rest of them. Go on and play the hero, for now. We both know you won’t be able to keep this up forever.”

She stomped off with guns aimed at her the entire way to her car. Boomer looked between her and Rook in confusion before running to Rook’s side at her command. Sarah didn’t look back, just climbed into the truck she’d arrived in and took off.

 

Thomas was sitting on the steps to her house smoking what looked like his fourth cigarette when Sarah pulled up. She shut off the engine and regarded him cautiously as she stepped down. He took one last very long drag, finishing the cigarette off then threw it to the ground.

“Caused a lot of trouble today, Sarah.” He almost teased and Sarah rolled her eyes with an annoyed huff. She was in no mood for this right now. She shoved him aside and unlocked her front door. Thomas wasted no time in following her inside.

“Why are you here? How’d you even find my house?”

“The Ryes are really nice people, they’ve never met me before. You told me to meet you at your house but neglected to tell me where it was, Nick was nice enough to point me in the right direction.” He grinned and Sarah was a little concerned at how similar to John he looked in that moment.

She swore under her breath, she’d have to have a word with Nick about giving her address out to people. “Whaddya want?”

“Two things: I’m supposed to check on you and I’ve got a message for you. John doesn’t trust the radio, anyone could listen in.” He said matter-of-factly and followed Sarah as she retreated to the kitchen, she pointedly didn’t acknowledge his words.

“Vodka?” She pulled a bottle down and shook it in front of him.

“Are you an alcoholic?” Thomas asked, his tone both serious and humorous.

“No.” She was a little offended that he’d asked.

“You drink a lot for someone who isn’t an alcoholic.”

“I’m pretty sure I drink just enough given the situation we’re all in.” Thomas shrugged at that and took the bottle, pouring a shot into each glass. Sarah sat down at the table, pushing the glass away and dropping her head into her hands. One of the knuckles on the hand that hit Rook had split and was really starting to hurt.

Thomas sat beside her, grabbing her bruised hand and studying it. “One of ours?” He asked, a touch of sadness in his voice,

“One of mine,” Sarah responded and Thomas looked at her in confusion but didn't press it.

“First aid kit?”

“Cupboard over the fridge.” Thomas returned quickly with the kit, opening and removing what he’d need. She hissed he poured alcohol over the cut before placing gauze over it and wrapping her hand.

“You know,” He paused as if considering something before continuing. “I knew John before all of this. I grew up in the same town as him. Got to meet him again when he was a fancy lawyer trying to save our shit show of a neighborhood.”

Sarah didn’t speak to that news, afraid she’d scare him off if she did. She was interested in learning about who John was before the cult.

“He was stuck up and high half the time, but he seemed to really care about our tiny corner of the world. Then he disappeared for a while and came back with his brothers and the Project. I joined not long after he came back.” Thomas smiled sadly at the memory, Sarah was tempted to inquire further to learn what was so sad but knew it was none of her business. He placed a hand on her shoulder to keep her attention.

“I’ve been by his side for a while, watched him move from obsession to obsession to fill the hole inside him. The baptisms, confessions, and atonements help, but it’s never enough. He’s always got to be doing something. You’re not the first woman to enter his bed since I joined him, not the second or even the third. You are the first one who wasn’t a member though, you’re the first he’s shown a genuine interest in. He’s breaking all kinds of rules without a second thought. He hasn’t even told Joseph about you.”

“Why are you telling me this, Thomas?” Sarah was suspicious, there had to be a catch to this information, that or it was a lie to get her to trust John more.

“So you know there’s a place for you with us. That was John’s message for you. He wanted me to tell you that when you’re ready, there is a place beside him for you. I just wanted you to understand a bit more about him before I told you.” Thomas stood from the table, his hand on her shoulder lingered before dropping away. He threw back his drink and turned to leave.

Sarah swallowed nervously and watched him start to walk towards the door. John had some really awful timing, she was almost convinced he’d planned this, that somehow he knew she’d been thinking about just this. He knew how to work his way inside her head and drag her deepest thoughts into the open.

“Wait,” Thomas stopped at the door, a cigarette she hadn’t seen him grab hanging from his lips. “Can I come with you? Not to join you or whatever. I’ve just had a shit day and I was hoping…” She trailed off feeling like a right idiot, Thomas just grinned and lit his cigarette, taking a few short puffs before responding.

“You’re hoping he’ll fuck you till you can’t remember why you’re upset?” He supplied, smoke billowing from his mouth as he spoke.

“Something like that.” She mumbled without looking him in the eye. The door opened and she waited to hear it close behind her retreating guest, but when after a few minutes it still hadn’t she looked up to see what was the matter. Thomas stood with the door propped open with the tip of his shoe, an impatient yet amused look on his face.

“Let’s go then. I don’t have all day.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit is gonna start getting a bit more intense now. The dynamic duo is going through a bit of a rough patch and John is more than happy to swoop in and help Sarah forget about her feelings about the entire thing. I wanna apologize for being such a bitch to Rook in this, I really do love her, despite how I wrote her in this chapter.
> 
> My Thomas Moore side story is in the works, it's just taking longer than expected. I've been putting most of my creative effort into this and the Red Dead fic I'm writing. Thomas's story is mostly planned out, it's just a matter of writing it hahaha. I am interested in having him show up a bit more in this, especially since Sarah has officially made the bad decision to spend more time with Johnny boy.
> 
> There was a lot of dialogue in this chapter. I always get a little worried writing so much dialogue, I don't want it to feel like an uninteresting, emotionless script. I hate having a million sentences in a row that started with quotes, it feels so boring and lazy sometimes. In this case, however, for this situation, I didn't think I could properly convey what I wanted to without all the dialogue.


	12. Chapter 12

Thomas finished off his cigarette before getting into the car, something Sarah was very grateful for. She had no problem with him smoking, she just didn’t feel like sitting in a car filled with it. He started up the truck that she’d driven in and instantly flipped the radio station.

“What? No Peggie radio? You sure you’re a member of the Project?” Sarah teased and Thomas just rolled his eyes and turned the volume up. The guitar intro to Hot Blood started and Sarah smiled a little, their local radio DJ had good taste sometimes, she’d give him that.

Thomas’s head bopped along to the song as he drove away from her house, he was lip-syncing the lyrics. Sarah grinned and joined him, eventually belting out the words along with him, swapping parts back and forth until the chorus. For the rest of the drive to the ranch, she forgot they were in the middle of a war.

The song ended and something much more low-key began and the pair fell into a comfortable silence. Thomas reached forward turned the volume down as they turned onto the property, stopping when a cultist waved him down.

“What’s up?” He asked, leaning slightly out the window.

“Brother John wants you to report to the house immediately, it’s urgent. He and The Father are awaiting your arrival.” The man said, peering past Thomas to give Sarah a suspicious look. Thomas nodded and thanked the man before rolling the window back up and driving forward.

“Shit.” He cursed, looking over at Sarah quickly, his fists clenched the steering wheel turning his knuckles white.

“Joseph’s here?” Sarah asked, worrying anxiously at a loose thread on her shirt. She had yet to meet the infamous cult leader in person and was honestly scared of what he would do to her when he found here.

“Guess so. Get down, move your chair back as far as you can and hide on the floor until I come to get you. I’ll crack the windows. If he finds out you’re here, why you’re here. Well, you won’t be the only one in trouble. He already doubts John.” He muttered the last sentence and Sarah wasn’t sure she was meant to hear it. She wanted to ask what he meant by it but she thought the better of it, instead doing what he’d said.

The floor was cramped and uncomfortable but she’d survive if it meant Joseph wouldn’t find her. She just had to stay quiet. Thomas pulled the car to a slow stop, careful not to jostle her too much.

“I’ll be back.” He whispered the promise, not looking at her, and climbed out of the car. He stopped to order another cultist to keep everyone away from the truck.

“Brother Thomas, you’re back.” John’s voice called out, reaching across the distance and sending chills up Sarah’s back.

“I apologize for my lateness. I ran into a little trouble on the way back.”

“That explains the truck.” John’s voice had gotten quieter, but he was still close enough for Sarah to hear him, though just barely. “I trust you delivered my message to the interested party?”

“Of course, even brought back something for later.”

“Oh, I’m intrigued? Sadly it’ll have to wait, The Father is inside. We’ve been waiting for your arrival.”

Their voices faded from earshot and Sarah was left alone on the floor of the truck, her legs jammed into her ribcage and back curved uncomfortably. She barely fit, her legs were too fucking long. Very rarely did she hate her height, being tall was fun, but right now she would give anything not to be 5’10”.

To pass the time she began counting footsteps of the people outside, figuring out which were repeating steps and which were new. When Thomas got back she was going to have to ask how many guards were here right now, her count was 27 which would be more than the last few times she’d been here but made sense with Joseph’s visit.

 

“I will see you both soon.” The words woke Sarah from her uncomfortable dozing. It was calming and inviting, a voice that could only belong to Joseph Seed. She didn’t dare peek out to see him, not wanting to risk her own life just yet.

There was more parting conversation before she heard his surprisingly light footsteps move past the truck and further down the road. The click of a car door shutting and tires skidding announced his departure and plunged the world into a chill silence.

Sarah counted the minutes as nothing happened, no one outside the car spoke or moved. 1, 2, 3, 4 minutes. Finally, someone broke the silence, a single cough, and the world seemed to spring back into action.

Gravel crunched underfoot as someone approached the truck, Sarah did her best to shrink down as low as possible.

“Let’s go, deputy,” Thomas said as he swung open her door, his hand outstretched to help her pry herself from the floor.

“You left me in there for a long fucking time,” Sarah complained, cringing at the crunch of her bones and rolling her neck. For only being 30 years old, she felt fucking old some times.

“Quit the whining John’s waiting inside.” He placed a hand on her shoulder and led her towards the front door. She was tempted to shrug it off but knew he was only doing his job so she complied.

John wasn’t waiting at the door for her as Sarah had half expected, instead she found him sitting at the table bent over some paperwork. He glanced up with a look of frustration before smiling when he saw her. He pushed the paperwork away and stood, walking towards her with his hands slightly outstretched.

“To what do I owe this lovely surprise?” John asked, his voice alone bringing warmth to Sarah’s chest. She did her best to ignore what that could mean.

“I needed a distraction.” She answered, stepping away from Thomas to stand in front of John. John grabbed one hand, running his thumb along her wrist.

“I’m afraid you have awful timing. I have duties to attend to before I can provide a _distraction_.” He looked genuinely disappointed and let go of her hand, turning to go back to his paperwork. 

Sarah stood awkwardly where he’d left her before following. He sat down and against her better judgment she leaned over and draped her arms across his shoulders, resting her chin on the top of his head.

“Can I still stay? I can’t go back out there, I pissed the wrong people off.”

John looked up and she moved off his head so she could see his face. His expression was unreadable, but after a few silent seconds, he offered another smile and pulled the chair beside him out.

“Just don’t be too much of distraction, please. The sooner I get this stuff done the sooner we can attend to more personal matters.” He had a sly smirk on his face, Sarah shook her head and took the seat beside him.

John returned to his paperwork, leaving Sarah to find her own way of entertaining herself. She idly tapped her fingers on the table, looking around the room for something to do. She’d just begun the drum solo to Bastile’s Pompeii when John’s hand closed on her wrist, silencing her tapping. He gave her an irritated look and Sarah withdrew her hands, lacing them in front of her.

With a small sigh and shake of his head, John stood, pulling her with him. His hand wrapped around her’s and he walked her into the living room, stopping in front of a bookshelf.

“Pick something and make yourself comfortable.” He squeezed her hand once more before returning to the dining table. Sarah watched him until he was blocked from view by the fireplace before finally turning to the bookshelf.

The bookshelf was filled with all sorts of titles. She found a few copies of the Book of Joseph, running her fingers down the pristine white and gold spines before moving on. She settled on a worn-out copy of The Catcher in the Rye and took it with her to the couch.

Unlacing her boots, she tossed them behind her in the direction of the front door and pulled her feet up onto the couch. She settled back into the pillowed and opened the book to the first page, she couldn’t help but smile at the wear and tear from being read so often.

 

John dropped onto the couch beside her with an exhausted huff. Sarah moved from her spot in the corner to sit cross-legged beside him, closing the book and putting it down.

“You’re done?” She asked, glancing back towards the table.

“For now. Tomorrow I’ve got—“ He paused and shook his head, “Doesn’t matter, you came here for a reason.” He wrapped an arm around her waist and his lips found her exposed collarbone.

“John?” She tugged lightly on his hair, pulling him away from her skin. He looked at her with tired eyes. “We don’t have to do that. We can just sit here, these last two hours have been distraction enough.”

John’s eyes filled with confusion, his brow and nose scrunched as he attempted to find the trap in her words. Sarah gave him a pitiful smile and tugged on his shoulders until he allowed her to lower his head to her lap.

“Do you read this often?” She asked idly, holding the book and opening it back to her page.

“When I was younger.” He looked up at her with guarded eyes, obviously not used to something so domestic as the situation she’d just created for them.

“I read it for school once, I liked it. It was banned in most schools but my teacher let us read it anyways.” She felt John nod below her.

“It was banned at my high school too. My English teacher gave it to me at the end of the year.” Sarah ran the fingers on her free hand idly through his hair and he closed his eyes after a minute. “The main character reminded me of Jacob sometimes.” He mumbled, the silence of the room meant Sarah heard him perfectly.

“Oh?” 

“Yeah.” His tone was heavy and he stayed silent after that. Sarah didn’t press for more information, from what she’d heard from people around the county and from what he’d said in his bunker she knew he had a shitty childhood.

Sarah leaned as far back into the seat as she could and smiled when John wiggled around to get more comfortable. She didn’t hesitate to return her free hand to his hair to resume her stroking of his hair. It was really soft, she was tempted to steal his hair care products.

“Mmh.” John groaned, his voice tired. Sarah let out an amused huff and looked away from her book and down at him. His eyes were closed and while he didn’t look completely at peace, but he was calmer than normal.

“Didn’t you sleep last night?”

“No.” He shook his head and his brow furrowed, he didn’t bother to open his eyes. “I woke up when you were leaving, couldn’t sleep after that. I took Affirmation out for a flight.”

Sarah nodded in response even though she knew he couldn’t see it. She now knew two things, John had been awake when she’d snuck out and he must be a light sleeper because she’d made sure she was quiet.

“Sorry I woke you up.” She offered and got a dismissive grunt in response. Ten minutes had passed before she realized the man in her lap had passed out. She didn’t dare move, John had looked dead on his feet. If he wanted to get a few hours of sleep while she finished his book she was fine with it.

 

A hand on her shoulder woke Sarah up. The book had fallen from her hand onto the floor, her free hand was still laced in John’s previously perfectly styled hair. She blinked tiredly at the face above her until it came into focus. Thomas stood above her with a crooked smile.

“Hungry?” He waved a frozen burrito over her head, she felt her mouth water. She hadn’t had one in months, the drive Missoula wasn’t worth the drive to get the good ones and the ones in all of the Hope County corner stores were crap.

Sarah nodded somewhat frantically and as carefully as possible moved John off her lap. She stood slowly, making sure she hadn’t woken the man. He mumbled something, his nose scrunched up, but fell silent again and she breathed a small sigh of relief.

Thomas was already halfway to the kitchen when she caught up with him. She took her time now that she didn’t have to think about John’s inquiring stare to admire his house. It was tastefully rustic she decided, a stark difference from her mostly modern interior. Where she had meaningless pictures landscapes decorating her wall, he had antlers delicately surrounded by what she was certain were bliss flowers. Her house was a monochrome palette of white grey and the occasional splash of blue while his was all wooden and warmth. She decided after some brief thought that she loved it.

She stepped into the kitchen, still looking around in slight awe, and sat on the counter. Thomas watched her with an amused smile as he pulled plates down and an extra burrito from John’s freezer.

“I get it.” He said, his tone giving Sarah the impression that he’d just come to some great realization.

“Get what?” She let her confusion show, kicking her shoes off and pulling her legs up so she was cross-legged on the counter.

“Why he likes having you around.” Thomas smirked slightly, his tone implying more than Sarah’s tired brain was comfortable deciphering. Regardless she felt a blush cover her cheeks and she looked away from him. Her stomach twisted in knots she tried to steer the conversation in a different direction.

“Where the hell do you get all the cigarettes?”

“John smuggles them in for me. It’s the one vice he’s let me keep. I can’t fuck, can’t drink, can’t curse God, but I can smoke. I take solace in the little things.” He said it like it was the simplest thing in the world like he hadn’t had his freedom ripped away from him by Joseph and his tenants.

“Didn’t you drink with me earlier?” Sarah gave him an amused looked and he returned it.

“If John can break the rules and fuck you senseless then I can have an occasional drink. ‘Sides I’ve got to go through the whole confession process weekly because of the smoking, might as well add a few extra sins to the list while I’m at it. I’m already sinning, what’s the harm in sinning a bit more?” He shrugged and pulled a plate from the microwave, walking it over to her before putting his own in the microwave.

“Guess that makes sense. Do you really believe in all of this?” She made a vague sweeping gesture, hoping he understood that she wasn’t talking about John’s ranch. She took a bite of the food and savored the delicious flavor, obviously, it would have been better not microwaved but she’d take what she could get at this point.

“No, I don’t believe God has a plan for us, I don’t think Joseph can save my soul. But I believe in him and John and Jacob, even Faith. I was never much of a believer in anything, Joseph showed me how freeing it was to believe in something besides yourself.” Thomas told her, his voice light and bordering and peaceful. “They gave me a purpose and family to look out for. I’ll sound cliche for a second but I was lost, in a haze of smoke and bar fighting, and they found me and pulled me into the light.”

Sarah raised her eyebrows and tried not to laugh at his last comment. He’d been right about it sounding like the biggest fucking cliche.

“Don’t laugh at me.” He snapped but his tone was playful. “It’s true. I was a shittier cop than you and no offense but you’re awful.”

Sarah clutched her chest in mock offense. “I am not, I do my job. And since when were you a cop?”

“The bare minimum maybe, but no more than that. Pretty sure you’ve been lazying around your house for the past week while you left Whitehorse and Rook to do all the work.” Thomas joked, leaning against the counter across from her and eating his own food. “I was a cop back home, my off duty time was spent smoking, drinking, and fighting the assholes at the bar who were pissed at me for locking up their buddies.”

“Hmm.” Sarah couldn’t deny that she’d been a shitty deputy as of late. She was a little grateful to hear that Whitehorse was still alive and kicking and felt guilty that he hadn’t crossed her mind once since the helicopter crash. It was true that she’d left the problems of all of Hope County on Rook’s shoulders, suddenly Rook’s demeanor towards her made a bit more sense.

“Guess I have been pretty shitty, huh?” She pulled at a loose thread on her jeans, guilt covering her features.

Thomas shrugged for a second time that night and took her plate, putting it in the sink to be washed later, likely by someone of a much lower rank. “We’re all allowed to be shitty every now and then. It’s good to be selfish sometimes.”

Sarah felt a wave of sorrow rush over her, his words so similar to what Staci had said to her back at the Veteran’s Center when she’d been with Jacob. “I suppose.” She slipped off the counter and searched through the cabinets until she found a glass, filling it with water before sitting on the counter again. The pair fell into a comfortable silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. I was busy finishing up my summer film class and then I went on vacation (I'm still on vacation actually). So this has been on the back burner for a while. It was going to be longer but I decided to split it into two. Chapter 13, which picks up right where this left off, should be up in the next week or so, assuming nothing else happens.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm gonna be honest this was supposed to be a crack fic and then it wasn't and I love the direction it went. I only got this game a few weeks ago but I have already played through it in its entirety four times, my most recent on the infamous difficulty level. Jacob's trials were a bitch. I haven't felt compelled to post anything that I've written for a fandom in a long time but everyone in this fandom is so nice so I thought I could share. I hope you all enjoyed it.
> 
> Title from The River by Blues Saraceno. It's a good fucking song and I've seen at least one other fic that used this song for the title. If you haven't already listened to it you should.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Bridges](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19355629) by [Shan282](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shan282/pseuds/Shan282)




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